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Suburban Senshi Entry #2685 - “SURPRISE! It's X's Early Birthday Party 2026!! ”
#2685 “SURPRISE! It's X's Early Birthday Party 2026!! ”
@spritflame
LINE chat excerpt starts – 26 September 2026 9:33AM
Det. Ema Skye9:34 AM
So that new documentary about Elon Musk is coming out soon
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:36 AM
ugh please don't remind me he exists; I'm still bitter he turned my favourite online hangout into a Nazi bar and I was taken in my his Tony Stark PR for so long
@SpeedRcrX9:37 AM
What this isn't your favorite online hangout?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:37 AM
Did I say what replaced it? :P
[gTV]C'est_la_V9:38 AM
Ne, ne!! It's time for X-chan's surprise birthday party again!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:38 AM
It's not time yet! Every year you start it earlier and earlier :P
[gTV]C'est_la_V9:39 AM
Again, that's why it's always going to really be a surprise!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:39 AM
...unassailable logic
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:39 AM
I'M NOT READY
@SpeedRcrX9:40 AM
Well they delegated getting all the gifts to me and I did it, so I'm ready, which means you don't have a choice lol
Vermellia X. Rosso9:40 AM
LOL how come nobody buys their own gifts anymore
[gTV]C'est_la_V9:41 AM
Because if no one is responsible for their own gift, no one can be held responsible for their own gift!!
Det. Ema Skye9:41 AM
This is the only place I've ever seen where people actively dodge the responsibility of owning up to the presents they hand out
@SpeedRcrX9:42 AM
Oh don't you worry Ema-san you're one of the gift givers this year hahah
Det. Ema Skye9:42 AM
...Haruka what are you going to make me do here
@SpeedRcrX9:42 AM
:3
Det. Ema Skye9:43 AM
...just so you know I have access to massive quantities of Sodium Hydroxide and I know how to use it
[gTV]C'est_la_V9:45 AM
Let's do the murdering later!! We should get started!! So Haruka-san picked a few names out of a hat to be gift-givers this year and then she bought a bunch of stuff online! So the gift givers will be seeing their presents for the first time as they hand them out, as will X-chan!!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:45 AM
Can't wait
Det. Ema Skye9:45 AM
I apologize in advance for whatever the f[BLEEP]k is going to happen here, X
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:46 AM
It's been 25 years almost. I'm used to it
// J_Daito //9:46 AM
ARE YOU
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:46 AM
no
@SpeedRcrX9:47 AM
So our first gift is from the gaijin, Serena Tsukino! FROM AMERICA
ScoutGrl_959:47 AM
HERE YOU GO MISTER DOCTOR SIR XADIUM SIR!!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:48 AM
Uhh... thanks? What... is it??
ScoutGrl_959:48 AM
IT'S CUTE!!
// J_Daito //9:49 AM
It's like if LaBuBu grew up, got Instagram famous, and is on the social medias trying to peddle influence.
@SpeedRcrX9:50 AM
Next is your turn Paisley-san
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:51 AM
I DISCLAIM ALL LIABILITY
..what
Haruka where the f[BLEEP]k do you find these things
@SpeedRcrX9:51 AM
I am a woman of exquisite taste!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:52 AM
Is this a sculpture of a boardroom meeting or something? It's like a congregation of talking heads
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.9:53 AM
Yea but look closer X-san
The tables coming out of those guys' d[BLEEP]ks
And the third guy is leaning on it, pondering
// J_Daito //9:53 AM
PONDER THE "D"
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:53 AM
Thanks Chibiusa I can't unsee it now
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.9:54 AM
You're welcome!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte9:54 AM
So it's like... it's like if Gumby was bored one day and then decided to reshape his d[BLEEP]k into a table, and joined it up with Pokey's
// J_Daito //9:54 AM
Pokey's "pokey"
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:54 AM
OKAY STOP YOU GUYS PLEASE
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.9:55 AM
Every time they eat off that table they're eating off their own d[BLEEP]ks
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:55 AM
STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@SpeedRcrX9:55 AM
LOL okay next up
From Michi
Mdm_Maestro9:56 AM
I take full and joyful responsibility :P
Det. Ema Skye9:57 AM
Wait if this is random, how come every year Michiru manages to get a gift that perfectly sums up her hate for X
// J_Daito //9:57 AM
(she's sleeping with the person buying the gifts)
Det. Ema Skye9:57 AM
...I should have thought of that, Jed.
@SpeedRcrX9:58 AM
:3
@[ DR. XADiUM ]9:58 AM
WELL JOKE'S ON YOU MICHIRU I DON'T PLAY GOLF
Mdm_Maestro10:00 AM
Hmph. You speak with such defiance, Xadium-san, but I know deep within your hearts there is the wail of existential anguish, of the torment unceasing that you can never expunge as your spirit burns from my incisive and devastating insult to your person.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:00 AM
..yes let's roll with that
Mdm_Maestro10:00 AM
SEE HOW HE ATTEMPTS TO PLAY IT OFF
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:00 AM
So whos's next, Haruka?
Mdm_Maestro10:01 AM
YOU SEE?! HE DEFLECTS! HE EVADES!! HE ATTEMPTS TO COWER IN THE SHADOWS, FEARFUL OF THE LIGHT OF MY BRILLIANT BRILLIANCE!
@SpeedRcrX10:02 AM
Next up is Gemini
@Texas_Samurai10:02 AM
Let's see whut we got here...
... A hard hat with a Camera in it th' size of Texas?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:03 AM
LOL it's a wearable perv came with built in protection for when someone whacks you over the head with a crowbar for wearing it
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:04 AM
...I'll never forgive the a[BLEEP]les who made it impossible to wear smart glasses with cameras out in public. The potential for POV photography was amazing.
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:05 AM
...just hold the camera up to the same level of your face, love, come on. It's not that hard :P
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:06 AM
That's just a rough approximation
Det. Ema Skye10:06 AM
Being out here in 2026 defensing Camera Glasses is a brave choice X
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:07 AM
Okay so for disabled people it's great for assistive reading. for travelers for sign translations. You can interpret sign language with them.
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:07 AM
Face it. The techbros ruined the technology for everyone. That's what it boils down to.
You're never going to get the wearable face computer that does it all.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE :P
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:08 AM
*marge simpson noise*
@SpeedRcrX10:08 AM
Next up it's Ema-san's turn
Det. Ema Skye10:09 AM
Oh joy let's see how I get to look stupid this y-- what the hell
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:09 AM
I... are those... hair extensions
// J_Daito //10:09 AM
MADE WITH REAL HUMAN HAIR
IN AN OBVIOUS REAL HUMAN HAIR COLOR
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:10 AM
I know my hair is thinning but
// J_Daito //10:10 AM
ENJOY REAL HUMAN HAIR
Det. Ema Skye10:10 AM
Happy... birthday?
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:10 AM
Yes. Quite.
@SpeedRcrX10:11 AM
HEY CAN I PICK 'EM OR WHAT
Det. Ema Skye10:11 AM
Picking your nose, sure
@SpeedRcrX10:12 AM
Hey an unobstructed airway is vital for life
Anyway, next up, Rei-chan
flame_SNIPER10:12 AM
Wonderful.
... Haruka-san what
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:13 AM
I can't tell if that's a pacifier or a sex aid.
Det. Ema Skye10:13 AM
Depending on the kink, both?
flame_SNIPER10:13 AM
Haruka-san Seriously
@SpeedRcrX10:14 AM
Look, I had a budget okay. Costs had to be cut. Austerity had to be respected. It's 2026 and no one has money anymore.
flame_SNIPER10:14 AM
You'll need money for the medical bills After I set you on fire
@SpeedRcrX10:15 AM
WHY IS YOUR FIRST F[BLEEP]KING REACTION ALWAYS PYROMANIA
BECAUSE IT'S EFFECTIVE☠
@SpeedRcrX10:15 AM
<_<
anyway moving on
Momo-chan you're up
Silicon Momoko10:16 AM
...Here X uhh enjoy
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:17 AM
Thanks
// J_Daito //10:17 AM
Hey with those you'll be prepared for the next global pandemic
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:17 AM
How so
// J_Daito //10:17 AM
While everyone else is killing each other over scraps of toilet paper you'll have enough shells to wipe your ass with for eternity
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:17 AM
.
Silicon Momoko10:18 AM
HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK I NEED SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN THE MECHANICS OF THAT TO ME
@SpeedRcrX10:18 AM
Well you see Momo
Next up is Neko-chan #2
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:19 AM
Wai!!
...Why.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:20 AM
I've always wanted to frame myself standing in the middle of flowers
// J_Daito //10:20 AM
WELP TIME FOR WEDDING NUMBER FIVE YOUR TIME IS OVER PEINFORTE IT'S BACK TO AINO AGAIN
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:21 AM
I can kill people with my mind, so no.
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:21 AM
* C'est_la_V is happy with Orlando Timberlake-sama so no :P *
@Texas_Samurai10:22 AM
...Technically this here X is from like ten thousand years in mah future an' Ah'm still with him in the present so this is a mite awkward
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:22 AM
EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS GOD DAMN FAMILY TREE IS AWKWARD LET'S NOT GET INTO THIS
@Sakura X. Aino10:23 AM
I'm pretty sure I'm related to myself somehow.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:23 AM
LET'S MOVE ON PLEASE
@The Intern10:24 AM
...There is a sociological paper in this waiting to be written
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:24 AM
MOVING ON
@SpeedRcrX10:24 AM
Next up, Chibiusa!
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.10:24 AM
Hshshshhaha here X
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:25 AM
Something practical for once! A T-shirt!
[gTV]Red_Crow10:26 AM
Tell me you don't know about sports without telling me you don't know about sports
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:26 AM
That's a football jersey, love
DJ Reverend_H10:26 AM
You mean soccer yo
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:27 AM
FUN FACT: Football was called Soccer in British English as well
It's not a thing Americans came up with
@Texas_Samurai10:28 AM
Y'might say they took th' ball n' ran with it hahahahaaha
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:28 AM
BOO
Silicon Momoko10:28 AM
We need to make X wear the shirt
@SpeedRcrX10:28 AM
Oh he'll be trying this all out hahah
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:28 AM
Wait what
@SpeedRcrX10:29 AM
NEXT UP
Mimeteo-kun
Dr. M. Hanyu10:30 AM
Don't say it like that, it's creepy
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:30 AM
! SOMETHING I CAN ACTUALLY USE IT'S A CABLE CRIMPER FOR ETHERNET
@SpeedRcrX10:31 AM
F[BLEEP]K!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:31 AM
...wait
Are you deliberately trying to get me things that are useless?
Mdm_Maestro10:31 AM
It's only fitting since you're useless, dear.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:31 AM
................
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:32 AM
Well you know if X-chan gets out of lan we can always crimp his [BLEEP] in it!!
^line
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:33 AM
LOL the LAN pun actually works here
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:33 AM
*crosses his legs* can we move on
@SpeedRcrX10:33 AM
Next, 'Taru-chan
FireFly_910:34 AM
Sorry for whatever this is, Xadium-san.
...
Mdm_Maestro10:34 AM
Oh look, it's how Hotaru-chan handles her dating life.
=^catablanca^=10:34 AM
I AM A MAN (When I want to be)
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:34 AM
debatable
=^catablanca^=10:34 AM
D:
FireFly_910:35 AM
...
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:35 AM
I feel so welcome
FireFly_910:35 AM
THIS IS NOT MY DOING
Mdm_Maestro10:35 AM
But it is your heart
FireFly_910:36 AM
I shall smite you
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:36 AM
Who's next <_<
@SpeedRcrX10:36 AM
Next up, 'Taru's "man", Artemis
=^catablanca^=10:37 AM
STOP MOCKING MEEEEE
...
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:37 AM
A FOOD TRUCK
HARUKA I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BUDGET
@SpeedRcrX10:38 AM
I DID
i just went over it
slightly
a little
a touch
skoshi
IrnChef_Jovian10:39 AM
...my cafe could use a food truck ><
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:39 AM
It's yours
IrnChef_Jovian10:39 AM
THANK YOU!!
@SpeedRcrX10:40 AM
And Finally last up, Elios
DJ Reverend_H10:40 AM
YO YO YO CHEGGITOUT YO
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:40 AM
A golf cart? Haruka Where are you shopping?!
@SpeedRcrX10:41 AM
This year it was all AliExpress
So since you're not gonna want it, X, I'll take it, thanks.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:41 AM
Wait I didn't say I didn't want it
@SpeedRcrX10:42 AM
But you didn't want the food truck and you gave it to Mako-chan. WHY ARE YOU DENYING ME?! IS IT BECAUSE SHE HAS MASSIVE 'TALENT'?! WE ALL KNOW YOU'rE WEAK TO THAT DON'T BE DISCRIMINATORY XADIUM I'LL F[BLEEP]KING SUE YOU
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:42 AM
...YOU CAN HAVE IT GEEZ
Det. Ema Skye10:43 AM
Did she just use someone else's birthday as a pretext to buy herself a Golf Cart?
// J_Daito //10:43 AM
thisistheway.gif
@SpeedRcrX10:44 AM
So now, we get to make X wear / use all this!!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:44 AM
WHAT
@SpeedRcrX10:44 AM
ENJOY
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:45 AM
T_T I hate you
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:45 AM
Well to make up for it, we'll give you some "Special Presents" X, like we did last year!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:46 AM
Yeah this time I figured out what to do to compete with the likes of Gemini and Minako
@[ DR. XADiUM ]10:46 AM
@Texas_Samurai10:46 AM
Uhh...
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:46 AM
What?
@Texas_Samurai10:47 AM
Didn't they tells ya it was all "themes" this year?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:47 AM
.... what
@Texas_Samurai10:47 AM
Like this here, see?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:48 AM
I WAS NOT INFORMED
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:48 AM
Hai! for mine I was a throwback to the year X-chan and I actually first met!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte10:48 AM
ARRRRRRRRRGH
[gTV]C'est_la_V10:49 AM
Well that's it for X-chan's birthday party!! Thank you all for being here!!
*** Mdm_Maestro is away I wonder if I should arrange it next year~
*** [ DR. XADiUM ] is away D:
@spritflame
LINE chat excerpt ends – 26 September 2026 10:50AM
