T & M Productions, in association with Xadium Studios
And the Suburban Senshi Signal Corps
Shamelessly Presents
Usual legal crap : The following story and its sequels are works of pure parody and fiction and do not represent actual views, attitudes, and feelings. Except in regard to Chibiusa Tsukino who needs to be summarily executed. Just about all of the characters portrayed in this are pretty much the property of someone else. They know who they are. I’m not stealing them; I’m just borrowing them for a little bit. Imitation and imagination are the sincerest forms of flattery.
“Muahahahahahahaha!!!” laughed the Professor as he dashed through the living room, closely pursued by both Setsuna and Minako, who were both intent on taking back the panties that had stolen from them.
“Give me back my panties!!” shouted Setsuna as she swung at Tomoe’s head with her staff. Minako lunged at Tomoe and snatched her panties out of his grip.
“No!” warbled Tomoe, engaging Minako in a tug of war, “My precious!” rei.bot immediately leaned forward and thwapped Tomoe across the head twice with a harisen.
“Behave,” she intoned.
“Sit down and shut up!” shouted Haruka, “It’s about to restart!” Setsuna snatched back her panties, quickly put them back on, and sat down as the DVD movie finished its intermission and continued. Hotaru just cackled.
“Squeeeeeeee!!” she cried.
Scene – the outside of Planet Hentai. A tentacle fiend lay twitching and dying on the sidewalk as dozens of curious schoolboys and girls surrounded it. One enterprising guy was poking it with a stick. Suddenly, the camera panned down to show the smiling face of Sailor Iron Mouse in her usual pinstripe suit, dark glasses, and fedora.
“This is Nezu Chuuko of the Galaxy News Network and I’m here live at Planet Hentai, covering the hottest thing to hit Tokyo since Godzilla slam-danced the Tokyo Tower last week…the Sporehunt!” Iron Mouse turned slightly and the camera followed, showing another person standing next to her. The girl was lean, slenderly-built, and looked a little bit like Sailor Mars except that she had brown eyes and long brown hair. She wore a blue and white fuku with laced-up knee-high boots, and had wolf-like ears and a tail. “I’m here with the renegade Senshi known as Yinggirl who is, surprisingly, one of the few people actually protesting Sporehunt!” Yinggirl was holding a sign that had written on it “Stop the Sporehunt” in bold black letters.
“I just want those Sporehunters to lay off,” explained Yinggirl, “I don’t care as much about the pink rabbit as I do about Helios.”
“The horse-boy?” asked Iron Mouse, “I don’t think I understand.”
“My powers are derived from the Phoenix Crystal,” continued Yinggirl, “Which is related to the Dream Crystal that Helios gets his powers from. He and I are technically related. Because of that, and a decree by Neo-Queen Serenity, any damage or pain that *he * feels…*I * feel! If he dies, I die as well! I mean, for crying out loud, I have no idea what’s going on in this dang Sporehunt…I wasn’t invited…” Suddenly, a couple of bats suddenly fluttered up behind Yinggirl, holding a sign between them that read “Big, fat liar.” “…All I do know is that since the Sporehunt began I’m now covered with bruises, cuts, sprains, and my butt now hurts so badly I don’t think I’ll be able to sit down for a week!”
Meanwhile, the bats fluttered up again, this time holding a sign that read “Free hot dog-girl lovin’!”
“So that means she felt Helios getting tentacle-raped?” began Michiru, “Oooo, that had to seriously suck.”
“Dude, what’s up with those bats?” asked Haruka.
“Maybe they’re Morrigan’s?” offered Artemis.
“That could be,” admitted Minako, “It’d be just like that succubus to be the french-fry in the ointment.”
“Fly in the ointment!” shouted Hotaru, “Get a dictionary! Jeepers!” Jedite suddenly perked up a little and pointed at the TV.
“There they are!” he exclaimed. Sure enough, Chibiusa and the rest of the Spores were dashing down the stairs. The scene switched over to the Spores.
“Let me go! Let me go!” shouted Excel, “You cannot kidnap a pretty-pretty, young girl like Excel without invoking the eternal hatred and wrath of Lord Ilpalazzo! You cannot break me! You cannot use me! You cannot strip me nekkid and abuse my ripe, young womanly body for your sick ecchi-ecchi amusement! Not unless your name is Lord Ilpalazzo! Haaaaiiiiil…!”
“Aw, shut up!” cried Nyanko, smacking her upside the head, “You’re giving me a headache with all that yelling!”
“I am not yaoi…” whimpered Helios, “I am not yaoi…”
“Kupi?” offered Nako-Nako, pointing at the Warthog parked across the street.
“Hey! Great idea!” replied Fish-Eye as he kept Mamoru in a tight head-lock, “Let’s grab one of their vehicles and just drive the heck outta this lousy fic! No one will be able to stop us!” Fish-Eye suddenly shuddered and yelped as Morrigan gave him a brief electrical jolt through his collar. Mamoru just whimpered weakly, his face red from the pressure FishEye was exerting around his neck. Chibiusa ran over to the Warthog and hopped up into the driver’s seat.
“Wow! Somebody left the keys inside!” she exclaimed, “Let’s go! I’m driving!”
“You’re driving?!” retorted Nyanko, “Your feet can’t even reach the pedals!”
“And you’re too young to drive,” added Fish-Eye.
“Hey! I’m 903 years old!” shouted Chibiusa, “And I’m the princess of Neo-Tokyo! I can do whatever I please and if I say I’m driving, I’m driving! How hard can it be?”
“Excel can drive!” offered Excel, helpfully.
“No you can’t,” retorted Nyanko, “You drove bumper-cars that one time, but you got stuck in the corner. Everyone was ramming your @$$. Even that little girl!”
“No they weren’t!” cried Excel, fuming a little, “I’ve driven a real car once! You weren’t there. You were somewhere else. It was really really cool!” Nako-Nako suddenly looked back and squealed in terror : the Sporehunters were coming.
“Oh s#!t!” cried Chibiusa. She quickly turned the ignition key while everyone else got onboard. However, she was too short to reach the pedals, so Nako-Nako quickly got underneath the steering wheel and pushed them for her. With a deafening screech of tires against asphalt, the Warthog tore out of there, nearly running over Yinggirl and Iron Mouse in the process.
Rushing outside, the Sporehunters skidded to a halt and looked around curiously. Something had changed. Something rather important.
“Dude, where’s our Warthog?” asked Wolfwood.
“You’re the one who parked it,” retorted Adam.
“You left the keys in the ignition?!” exclaimed Jup.Knight, “What the hell were you thinking?!”
“What’s a Warthog?” asked Shaldra, curiously. Before anyone could answer the sound of tires screeching could easily be heard. Everyone looked over to see…
C-Pov – the rear of a rapidly-retreating Warthog as it barreled down the road, nearly running over some people in the process as it weaved back and forth slightly.
“Hey!” shouted Starcat, “Come back with our Warthog, you bastards!”
“Well this sucks!” snapped Seiya, “How are we supposed to catch them now?” Before Solarchos could even open his mouth, the answer was provided.
From behind them came another set of screeching tires as a single white hatch-back car sped towards them and braked hard, stopping within just a few inches of them. The driver’s door opened, and they could all see the black star that was emblazoned on it. The Sporehunters gawked in amazement as Eudial of the Witches 5 poked her head out.
“Come on! Get in and let’s nail that pink wench!” called out Eudial.
“Eudial-kun!!” cried Professor Tomoe happily as he launched himself at the TV screen. Rei.bot quickly reached out and yanked him back onto the couch.
“Crap! Not her!” snapped Minako, “She’s the one who stole my pure heart!” Jedite smirked a little.
“Oh yeah,” he mused, “I’ve heard of her. You were acting like total dumbass after that, weren’t you? She’s also the one who also beat the crap out of Uranus and Neptune, too.”
“She did not!!” shouted Michiru, “It was all part of an elaborate deception to make her lower her guard!”
“Yeah, we kicked *her * punk @$$ afterwards!” added Haruka.
“No you didn’t,” stated Artemis, “Eudial clobbered both of you. She was kicking Senshi butt left and right the whole time.”
“Not *my * butt,” remarked Setsuna.
“That’s ‘cause you were always hiding in the rear while Michi and I charged full speed ahead, kicked @$$, and took names!” called out Haruka, “Then you just stepped in and took all the credit just like the Odango-ditz!” Setsuna grinned.
“And that’s why Setsuna’s the smart one and you’re the “dumb@$$ diesel dyke”,” replied Hotaru. Haruka turned bright red while Jedite burst out laughing.
“Get in there with *you *?” demanded Seiya, “I don’t think so, lady!”
“Yeah, no way am I trusting a Sailor Moon villain!” added Adam, “Especially one that dresses like a Balinese dancer or something.” Without hesitation, Solarchos rushed over to Eudial’s car and got in.
“I know her,” he explained, “She can be trusted in something like this. Now let’s get moving! The Spores are getting away!” The Sporehunters quickly packed themselves into Eudial’s car. It got crowded really quick.
Solarchos blushed and nosebled again as Shaldra pressed up next to him in the passenger seat. Everyone else was squashed into the back of the car…with predictable results.
“Hey!” cried Starcat, indignantly, “Stop fondling me, you pervert!”
“I was reaching for the seat belt!” replied Seiya. Starcat then smacked her across the face, knocking her backwards…right into Kakyuu’s chest.
“Get your face outta my boobs!” screamed the red-haired princess as she punched her squarely in the face. Wolfwood and Jup.Knight just looked at each other and shook their heads.
“What a f#^ktard,” commented Leudast.
“Everybody in?” asked Eudial. The Sporehunters barely had a chance to reply before she stomped her foot on the gas pedal and took down the street, almost running over Yinggirl and Iron Mouse in the process ( again ).
C-Pov – The hijacked Warthog as it came around a sharp corner, skidding right into a row of parked cars. Chibiusa didn’t slow down at all. The background theme music began playing : “Mona Lisa Overdrive” from the Matrix – Reloaded soundtrack (also known as the “Big Car Chase” theme from the same movie ). The C-Pov switched again, showing a rear-view mirror’s angle of the inside of the Warthog. Helios was curled up in the back, mumbling to himself, NakoNako was operating the pedals, Chibiusa was driving, FishEye and Mamoru were in the back behind the Spore, and Nyanko and Excel were both squashed into the passenger seat, and fighting over it.
“I had the seat first!” shouted Nyanko.
“Mine! Mine! Mine!” screamed Excel, “This seat has been claimed in the name of Lord Ilpalazzo! You have no legitimate…”
WHAP!! Close-up of Excel’s face as Nyanko b!^@h-slapped her…hard.
“HELL YEAH!!!” screamed the Suburban Senshi.
“Go for it!” cried Hotaru.
“I love it when that happens,” stated Setsuna.
“Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!” chanted Jedite, Haruka, and Tomoe simultaneously.
Excel’s face slammed into the dashboard, popping open the glove compartment. Inside was a Glock-17 pistol with an extended clip and a cellphone. The cellphone fell out, landed in her hand, popped open ( Matrix-style ) and began ringing.
“Operator…” announced the girl on the other end of the line.
“Hello? This is Excel Excel. I’d like to order four large pepperoni and sushi pizzas please!”
Scene-switch – Sitting in a chair at a rather sophisticated telecommunications console was none other than Sailor Aluminum Siren. Affixed to the collar of her “lingerie” outfit was a Sporehunt button and an Excel plushie sat nearby…with about a dozen knitting needles stuck through it like a voodoo doll.
“Uhhh, I’m not that kind of operator,” replied Siren, browtwitching a little, “My name is Aya Reiko and you’ve reached the Sporehunt Emergency Hotline. Is there a Sporehunt-related emergency that I can assist you with?”
Meanwhile, at home, Hotaru snickered a little.
“Oh crap, this is going to get bad really quick!” she called out.
“Those Animamates are gonna be getting some payback for sure!” added Setsuna.
“Give that naughty, naughty kitty-chan to me!” cried Tomoe, “I wanna punish her…by making her play Twister! Muahahahahahaha!!”
Nyanko snatched the phone out of Excel’s hand and started talking. Back in the Sub-Sen’s den the TV screen did one of those split-screen effects, showing both the talker ( Nyanko ) and Siren at the same time.
“Yeah, we’ve got an emergency!” she yelled into the phone, causing Siren’s hair to blow backwards with the force of her screaming, “Get me the f%$# outta this s#^t!!!”
“Oh, hello there, Nyanko-san!” replied Siren, sweetly, “How nice to hear your voice again. How are you doing?”
“How am I doing?!” retorted Nyanko, “I’m in the middle of some sick, twisted nightmare that just keeps getting worse, that’s what!!!”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Nyanko-san,” replied Siren, breaking out into a huge, nasty grin, “Now, you do have a Sporehunt-related emergency, do you? If not, I’ll have to…”
“Don’t hang up!!” shouted Nyanko, “We need to get to Galaxy TV fast!”
“Oooo, that won’t be easy,” replied Siren, “You’re in downtown Tokyo. The only direct route near you is the Winslow Overpass off the freeway. I think I should suggest…oh dear, watch out behind you.”
“Huh?” replied Nyanko, confused, “What are you…” Suddenly, there was a huge, loud crash as they were rammed from behind.
C-Pov – a sideways close-up of the rear of the Warthog as a white Ford Bronco rammed it at high speed, lifting the rear of the Warthog a couple inches off the ground for a moment. The Warthog swerved all over the road as Chibiusa struggled to regain control. Mamoru was screaming like a little girl the whole time.
“Dude! O.J. Simpson’s joined the cast!” yelled Haruka, “It’s him! That’s his Bronco!”
“That’s not O.J. you dork!” retorted Jedite, “What would that guy be doing over here in Japan anyway?”
“O.J. was framed, I tell you!” continued Haruka, grabbing Jedite by the throat and shaking him back and forth a few times, “Framed, framed, framed!”
“Whoa, look out!” cried Artemis, pointing at the screen.
The sunroof of the Ford Bronco slid open and yet another of the Witches 5 popped out. The blue-haired witch-twin Cyprine smiled wickedly as she leaned out, then took aim with a loaded AK-47 assault rifle and opened fire. Her sister, Pikurol, just laughed and kept on driving.
Bullets began to ricochet and explode against the Warthog, a few of them barely missing the Spores. FishEye let out a huge girly scream and ducked for cover in Helios’ lap.
“I AM NOT YAOI!!!” shrieked Helios as he shoved FishEye away violently.
“Yes you are!” called out Hotaru, “Oh yes you are!”
“Yup, he’s gay,” added Artemis.
“Totally gay,” commented Jedite.
“Liberache gay!” added Tomoe, “Muahahahahahahaha!”
“Hold on!” shouted Chibiusa as she spun the steering wheel. The Warthog turned sharply and nearly spun out as it ran through the red light of a busy intersection. NakoNako’s pedal-pushing skills were less than deficient as she failed to do anything. With a gigantic crash, Chibiusa plowed the Warthog straight through the side of Akio Ohtori’s prized red Stingray convertible, tearing the entire rear end off. She kept on driving, weaving back and forth across the road as the Witch-Twin’s Bronco pursued closely. Cyprine kept on shooting.
“Holy s#!t!!” cried Excel.
“What else could go wrong?!” added FishEye. Suddenly, several more vehicles came onto the main road from side streets and began pursing the Warthog.
“Oh dear,” reported Siren as she started eating a bowl of ramen, “There’s an all-points bulletin out of you now. Additional bounty hunters are on their way. Turn right now.” Hearing the orders over her headset, Chibiusa turned the Warthog…and plowed over a mailbox ( sending letters exploding everywhere ), straight through a noodle shop, across a small park, and straight towards a Hispanic man wearing a construction hat.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” screamed Pedro at the top of his lungs.
*WHAM!!! * Chibiusa ran him over and kept going.
“Oh my goddess!!” cried Minako, “They killed Pedro!”
“You bastards!” shouted Michiru.
“As if we didn’t see that one coming a mile away,” remarked Setsuna. Tomoe just laughed insanely.
“That was beautiful!” he wailed, “My tears of joy are falling from my eyes like twin waterfalls!”
As the Spore’s Warthog drove through the park and over Pedro, the Witches’ Bronco, a non-descript black car, a Tokyo police car, and a blue Ford GT500 continued to pursue closely. Pikurol smirked as they bounced a little on Pedro while Cyprine kept on shooting.
“Now, after this next intersection take the connecting tunnel to the 101,” advised Siren as she leaned back and continued to devour her ramen noodles. “You got it?”
“Uhh…” whimpered Nyanko as a bullet punched through part of her hair-do, nearly ripping her leather cap off, “I guess…”
“Are you sure about this?” continued Siren, “I mean it’s dangerous! In all my fourteen minutes of operating I've never…”
“Just shut up, will ya??!!” screamed Chibiusa as the Ford Bronco rammed them again. Siren browtwitched a little and swallowed a mouthful of ramen.
“Okay!” she beamed, “Winslow Overpass it is! Have fun!”
The scene switched, showing the crowded interior of Eudial’s car as everyone was thrown to one side as Eudial made a hard-bank turn. Solarchos’ nose bled some more as the sharp turn caused him to press up against Shaldra, who merely winked and licked off a bit of cream-lemon that was still on his cheek.
“I hope you were using turn signals back there!” cried Wolfwood.
“I need some more bullets!” called out Adam, “I used practically everything I had back at Planet Hentai!” Eudial tossed a small bag into the back seat.
“Here,” she announced as the car lurched and bounced heavily, “I’ve got a couple boxes of 9mm and 12-gauge in there.” Almost everyone dove on the purse and began rummaging through it, eager to get at the bullets and shotgun shells. “Also, I got something for the cat-girl underneath the seat.”
“Really?” asked Shaldra, “What?” Eudial smiled.
“An official Sporehunter care package!” replied the red witch as she put the car through another hard turn, nearly running over Akio Ohtori in the process. Shaldra quickly ripped open the package, finding the usual gear ( some cash, flashlight, cufftape, equipment harness, etc. ) and her personal gift from Morrigan : a rather nice-looking katana. It wasn’t a Hatori Hanzo blade, and it wasn’t anything special or ancient, but it was still well-made and very effective looking.
“Whoot!” cried Shaldra, “I like!!”
“Very nice,” commented Wolfwood as he reloaded his Desert Eagle.
“Morrigan,” began Solarchos, talking into his headset radio, “We’re in pursuit of the Spores. What’s their current status?”
The scene shifted, showing the Spore’s Warthog roaring up the street towards the camera with their pursuers following close behind. The scene then went into slow motion, showing Cyprine still blasting away at the Warthog while Tin Nyanko was leaning out the side window and shooting back at the Bronco. The black car, the Tokyo police cruiser, and the GT-500 were closing the distance. Then everything went back to normal speed and all the cars screeched by.
“Their current status?” replied Morrigan, “Bad and getting worse. The word’s out about them. Other people are joining the Sporehunt.”
“Aww, no!!” cried Adam, “Bounty-jumpers?! That sucks!”
“Where are they now?” asked Solarchos.
“Just follow the trail of destruction,” said Morrigan, “Chibiusa’s sure making a whole lot of it!” All of the Sporehunters suddenly stared ahead in horror as Eudial drove through the remains of a noodle shop, across a small park, and straight towards Pedro...again.
“Noooooooooooo…!!!” shrieked Pedro. Extreme close-up of his face, then…
WHAM!!!
“Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!” screamed everyone in the Suburban Senshi’s den as they all fell over in hysterical laughter.
“I got my wish!” cried Tomoe, “I wanted to see that again and I did! Muahahahahahahahaha!!”
“Beautiful!” sighed Hotaru, “Absolutely beautiful!”
Cyprine finished reloading and resumed shooting at the Warthog as they burst out onto the highway. Chibiusa was still weaving all over the road, causing quite a few minor accidents in the process. In contrast, Pikurol was doing a fine job of staying on the Warthog’s tail. Nyanko fired off a couple more shots at the Bronco and ducked back inside the Warthog to reload.
“Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!” wailed Mamoru, “Just let me go!!” FishEye quickly hugged Mamoru.
“Don’t worry Mamo-chan!” he called out, “I’ll protect you!” This just made Maroru wail twice as loud.
“I am not yaoi!!!” whimpered Helios.
“Kupi?” called out NakoNako, “Kupi-kupi?!”
“Bastard drivers!!” screamed Chibiusa, “Get the f#$% outta my way! When I become queen I’ll make sure I put a cap in all your asses!!”
“They’re shooting at us!” cried Excel, “They must be very, very upset at us if they’re doing that! Someone could get hurt!”
“You think?!” screamed Nyanko just as two more non-descript black cars suddenly joined the chase.
Scene-switch to the inside of one of the new cars. Inside were none other than Misaki Matsuya and Sumiyoshi Daimaru from “Excel Saga”, wearing dark business outfits and cool black shades.
“We have them in sight,” stated Misaki.
“The Excel is our primary target,” came Sumiyoshi’s reply, which consisted of only kanji at the bottom of the screen.
Hotaru burst out laughing.
“Ahh! This just keeps getting better and better!” she called out, “Throw your life away…for justice!”
“Get your hands off my man, you skanky girly-man!!!” screamed Setsuna.
“I don’t know who I want to see get killed first,” commented Haruka, “Excel? Nako-Nako? The Spore?”
“I vote for Excel,” offered Minako, “She’s freaky.”
“Are you certain there’s no number we can call to submit our votes to?” asked Jedite. Haruka nodded sadly.
“Yup,” she replied glumly, “No phone number.”
“Dammit!” snapped Tomoe, “We need to get in contact with T&M Productions and *demand * they provide a phone number for this sort of thing! We demand satisfaction!” Michiru and Artemis merely watched eagerly as the chase continued.
FishEye suddenly let out a huge girly squeal and fell to the side, holding the back of his head.
“They got him!” shouted Excel, “They shot the extremely queer-looking gay guy with the bad hair and the weird, thick, padded suit that looks like it’s made out of bubble wrap!”
“Is he dead?” asked Mamoru, hopefully.
“No! They shot my hair!” wailed FishEye, “They shot my f%#$ing HAIR!!!”
“Dammit!” snapped Mamoru. Meanwhile, ignoring the bullets impacting all over the Warthog, FishEye leaned over the front seat and thwapped Excel.
“Listen! Just because I like to wear pretty colored dresses and sakura outfits and just because I like to stare at and huggle cute, cute boys doesn’t change one very fundamental fact…” FishEye pressed his face into Excel’s. “I’m…not…gay!”
“Yeah, right!” retorted Nyanko, “This coming from the guy who wanted to claim Mamo-dork there all for himself! How do you explain that?!”
“Hey!” exclaimed FishEye, “It takes someone who’s very secure in his sexuality to have sex with another man!” All of the Spores simultaneously sweatdropped and face-faulted.
“That FishEye is such a homer-vegetable,” sighed Minako.
“Talk about oxymorons,” commented Hotaru.
“With an emphasis on the *moron * part!” added Michiru.
Suddenly, the Witch Twin’s Bronco pulled up alongside. In between the Warthog and the Bronco was a single bright yellow Volkswagen Beetle. Cyprine paused for a moment, then emptied her rifle into the side of the Volkswagen, blowing out its windows and causing it to lose control. The Volkswagen quickly lost speed, turned sharply, and crashed, flipping over dozens of times and causing a huge pile-up accident in its wake. The Spores, the Bronco, and all of the pursuing cars swerved through the horrific accident and kept going.
“Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!” shrieked Tomoe as he leapt to his feet, “Multiple car pile-ups!! Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!”
“Holy crap!” cried Artemis, “Did I see an *Autobot * symbol on that Volkswagen??!”
“Oh my god!!” exclaimed Haruka, “They killed Bumblebee!!!”
“You bastards!” cried Hotaru.
“Optimus Prime’s gonna be pissed!!” added Setsuna. Jedite cringed.
“A pissed-off Optimus Prime is a really scary thing to see,” he admitted, “And it’s NOT something I’d like to see again.”
“Again?” asked Hotaru, “Are you implying you’ve dealt with that once before?”
“Let’s just say there’s a reason Queen Beryl focused on Japan and not North American in her bid for conquest,” explained Jedite, “There’s also a reason why the Dark Kingdom looked like such a mess.” Michiru burst out laughing.
“Awww, did big, bad General Jedite get his butt kicked by some little bitty robots?” she taunted, “Especially when they’re so EASY to notice!”
“Don’t laugh, “Water-sport Michi”,” snarled Jedite, “The Autobots never fell for any of our tricks, they packed some serious firepower, and our damn Youma never could spot them despite the symbols staring at them right in the f^%#ing face! We had the Autobots outnumbered by several hundred to one and they just transformed and RAN THEM OVER!! I’m talking extreme roadkill!! Then they turned the Dark Kingdom into a gigantic mud pit!!” Rei.bot just smirked.
“Excellent,” she intoned.
Chibiusa turned sharply, trying to get away from the Bronco as Cyprine reloaded. Unfortunately, the other unmarked black car sped up alongside them and rammed into them.
Watanabe scowled fiercely as he spun the wheel and rammed into the Warthog a second time.
“What I do, I do for you, Miss Iyasugi!” he whispered under his breath. Meanwhile, in the passenger seat, Iwata was busying rolling down the window.
“Die, miscreants!” screamed Iwata at the top of his lungs, “After a big car chase like this Misaki is sure to want me!!” Laughing maniacally, Iwata pulled out a shotgun and began firing wildly at the Spores.
“Yes!” screamed Hotaru, “Get ‘em! Get ‘em!”
“No!! Don’t use a shotgun, you idiots!” shouted Haruka, “Get an Uzi or something and *spray * the motherf^$#ers!”
“Muahahahahahahaha!!!” howled Tomoe as he gripped his stomach with both hands and fell over…onto Michiru’s lap. Michiru quickly grabbed him by the hair, pulled him back upright, and stuffed a Sailor V plushie into his mouth to shut him up.
The Witch-Twin’s Bronco suddenly pulled out in front of the Spores. Cyprine took aim, hesitated for a moment, then began firing at Watanabe’s and Iwata’s car, punching dozens of holes through the car’s hood and windshield.
“Crap!!!” screamed Watanabe as he lost control and struck the guardrail. The front tires both exploded and their car came to a screeching halt. Following closely behind, the Tokyo police car, which was being driven by Natsumi Tsujimoto and Miyuki Kobayakawa from “You’re Under Arrest” slammed into them from behind, squashing the whole front of their car like an accordion.
“Awww, no!” cried Miyuki.
“There goes that bounty money,” grumbled Natsumi as fought to escape the airbag that was pinning her to her seat. Meanwhile, the last black car and the GT-500 easily swerved around the crash and stayed on the Warthog’s tail.
“Yes! Yes!” screamed Excel as she watched the two cars crash, “I love demolition derbies! All we need now are really big explosions!”
“You know,” commented Nyanko, “That actually sounds pretty good.” Several bullets impacted against the Warthog’s windshield and ricocheted off, making everyone flinch a little.
“Kupi?” asked Nako-Nako from below.
“Shut up and keep on the speed, b!^*h!!” shouted Chibiusa.
“Wise choice,” advised Morrigan over the radio, “Those additional bounty hunters are closing the distance.”
“Chibiusa-chan!” cried Mamoru, “Please slow down and let me off!”
“No!!” replied Chibiusa, hearts appearing in her eyes, “We’re meant to be together! You and I will drive away, just the two of us, and we’ll never be apart ever again, my strapping sexual fantasy you!” Nyanko and Excel just stared at Chibiusa.
“Ewwwwww! Incest!!” cried Excel, “In the world Lord Ilpalazzo will create sick fetishes and grotesque fantasies like that will be outlawed and punished by summary execution by a bullet to the head and the body incinerated!”
“Wow! This Ilpalazzo guy’s starting to sound like a halfway decent guy,” admitted Nyanko. Suddenly, FishEye pointed straight ahead.
“Look out!!” he screamed shrilly.
C-Pov – the rear of the white Bronco as Cyprine put her rifle back inside and suddenly dematerialized, becoming a pale, transparent ghost-like figure that passed through the back of the Bronco, floated through the air, and passed straight through the front of the Warthog. Cyprine then rematerialized…right behind FishEye, Mamoru, and Helios.
“Awesome!” shouted Haruka.
“That’s a new trick,” added Michiru.
Grabbing Helios, Cyprine pulled him up in front of her, using him as a shield. Nyanko quickly turned, took aim with her pistol and pulled the trigger…despite the fact that Helios was in the way. *Click *
“S#^t!” shouted Nyanko.
“Excellent!” cried Jedite, “She was actually going to shoot Horse-boy!”
“Too bad the gun misfired,” added Setsuna.
“Dammit! My dream of seeing Helios dead from multiple gunshot wounds has been shattered!” moaned Hotaru, “I want to see him die! I want to drink sake out of his empty head! I want a Helios skull-keg at my next birthday party!” Minako and Artemis just stared at Hotaru and inched away from her.
“Okay, Hotaru-chan,” advised Michiru, nervously, “Just take a deep breath and count to ten. You’re starting to freak everyone out again.”
Without a word, Cyprine began attacking the Spores, slapping aside Nyanko’s pistol with one hand and whipping out a straight-razor with the other. Grabbing Helios by the hair, she shoved him face-first into the back of the passenger seat and slashed at Nyanko. Nyanko quickly grabbed Excel and used *her * as a shield. Excel yelped as Cyprine’s blade slashed across her jacket.
“Watch out, Chibiusa-chan!” advised Morrigan, laughing a little.
“Huh?” demanded Chibiusa. Before she could do anything else Cyprine grabbed her by the hair and began smacking her head into the steering wheel…over and over again, causing the Warthog’s horn to honk with each hit.
“YES!!!” shrieked Jedite, Tomoe, and Haruka as Cyprine began beating on Chibiusa.
“Muahahahahahahaha!!” cackled Hotaru.
“You know, whenever I think of this movie, and I most certainly will think of it,” stated Michiru, “I will think of *this * scene…and smile!”
Thrashing her legs around desperately, Chibiusa accidentally kicked Nako-Nako in the head, knocking her senseless and causing her to fall forward onto the gas pedal. The Warthog began accelerating as it started weaving back and forth across the highway. Cyprine kept pounding Chibiusa’s face into the steering wheel, nailing the Spore a good dozen or so times before FishEye finally stopped huggling Mamoru and grabbed Cyprine from behind. Cyprine tried to bring her blade down across FishEye’s arm, but Helios actually jumped in and grabbed her arm. Cyprine quickly reacted by grabbing Helios’ crotch with her free hand ( letting go of Chibiusa in the process ), grabbed on HARD, and *twisted *.
C-Pov – a close-up of Helios’ face as his eyes nearly bugged out of his head, leaned back a little, and opened his mouth wide…
“THE HILLS ARE ALIVE…WITH OL’ HORSE-BOY’S SCREAMING!!!” sang Hotaru, “HE’S NOT GONNA PISS…FOR ABOUT A WEEK!!” Everyone else, with the exception of rei.bot, was too busy writhing on the floor in hysterical laughter to comment.
FishEye quickly leaned over the driver’s seat and grabbed the steering wheel as Chibiusa held her head, crying loudly from the pain. Mamoru was just curled up in a ball and screaming piteously. Nyanko ducked as Cyprine slashed at her head, barely avoiding the gleaming razor. Excel quickly lunged forward and wrapped up Cyprine’s extended arm with the seat beat. Nyanko then began slapping at Cyprine’s face and the two of them got into a smacking-contest.
“…ow…!” whimpered Helios from behind Cyprine, “…my sack…!”
“Shut up, Helios!” screamed Nyanko, “We don’t have time to listen to your trivial little nuisances right now!” Working her hand back and forth, Cyprine cut through the seat belt and tried to slash Excel. Excel glanced at the cut fabric of the safety restraint, then began smacking Cyprine in the face with it.
“Head’s up, Spores,” warned Morrigan over the radio, “Your problems just increased big time!”
C-Pov – a little ways to the side and behind the Warthog as one of the black cars pulled up alongside – Misaki and Sumiyoshi had caught up. One of the doors on the passenger side opened, and a tall girl with short purple hair and a blank, neutral expression quickly climbed out onto the roof. Like the rest of her team, she was wearing a dark outfit and cool black shades. Without word or hesitation, Roppinmatsu leaped off the car and landed on the hood of a white race-car coming up the middle lane, squashing the entire engine block flat. Bearing down, Roppinmatsu made another huge leap, jumping high into the air and causing Speed Racer’s car to completely wipe out, flipping end over end and creating another gigantic twelve-car pile-up as. The camera caught all of the vehicular devastation in glorious slow motion.
Haruka let out a loon-like cry of delight as she watched the accidents unfold, bouncing up and down on the couch as she watched the cars flip over, roll, and otherwise explode into pieces. Jedite looked at her strangely.
“Did you just have an orgasm or what?” he asked.
“Knowing Haruka, she probably did,” said Michiru.
“Go Speed Racer!” chanted Artemis, “Go Speed Racer! Go Speed racer gooooo!”
“Not any more, he isn’t,” commented Setsuna. Minako was too busy wailing about Nako-Nako while Hotaru and Tomoe were too busy laughing.
Roppinmatsu landed squarely in the middle of the Warthog’s front hood. Kneeling down, she reared back her fist and punched through the windshield with one blow. Everyone onboard watched in terror as the android then ripped out the shattered bullet-proof window and tossed it aside like a used tissue. Mamoru let out a shrill, girly shriek of pure, pants-wetting fear.
“F#%$ me!!!” screamed Chibiusa.
“Hell no!” shouted back FishEye, “Not for all the rice in China, you sick pink freak!!!” Nyanko quickly picked up her pistol, cleared the misfire, and started shooting. Roppinmatsu immediately began dodging each and every bullet fired, her arms and body nothing more than blur as she moved.
“Give me that!” shouted Excel as she snatched the gun out of Nyanko’s hand and began shooting wildly at Roppinmatsu. Roppinmatsu just kept dodging all of the shots. At that moment Nako-Nako rolled over onto the brake pedal, causing the Warthog to screech to a halt. The forward inertia threw Roppinmatsu off the front of the Warthog. She hit the pavement, tumbled over several times, and managed to get to her feet. She watched impassively as the Warthog served around her and sped away, leaving her by the side of the road.
Scene-switch – the inside of the Warthog as Cyprine put Excel into a head-lock and began banging her head against the doorframe repeatedly.
“Ow ( whack )…ow ( whack )…ow ( whack )…” gurgled Excel as her torment continued. Cyprine lashed out with her leg and kicked Helios squarely in the crotch, drawing yet another shrill, distressed squeak from him. Nyanko grabbed the pistol from Excel’s hand, spun around, and started shooting at Cyprine. The blue-haired witch became intangible as Nyanko began firing and was blown off the Warthog.
Cyprine materialized unharmed on the road. Frowning, she waited a few seconds as the white Bronco came roaring up the road towards her on a collision course. At the last second, Cyprine became intangible once more, phased through the Bronco as it passed through her, and re-materialized in the passenger’s seat. Pikurol sighed.
“We are getting aggravated,” grumbled Pikurol.
“Yes we are,” added Cyprine.
The scene switched back to the Warthog as FishEye roughly shoved Chibiusa and NakoNako aside and started driving. He did a slightly better job of it than Chibiusa, but not by much.
“Aaaahh!” cried Chibiusa as she was shoved into the passenger seat with Excel and Nyanko, “Watch it you bas^*#d!! You can’t shove me around like that!”
“Kupi!!” added NakoNako as she readjusted her hat. FishEye opened his mouth to make a reply, then squealed shrilly as more bullets began to pelt the Warthog.
“Hold it steady, Eudial!” called out Solarchos as he leaned out the sunroof and started aiming his sniper-bolter at the Spores.
“Got it!” called out Eudial as she stomped on the gas pedal and pushed her car faster. The rest of the Sporehunters were all aiming out the windows of Eudial’s car and shooting at the Spores. Kakyuu and Leudast were both laughing like maniacs and Seiya was burst-firing like crazy. Adam and Shaldra fired their guns a couple of times for effect while everyone else waited with barely-restrained eagerness. Suddenly, the last black car and the GT-500 zoomed past them and pulled up alongside the Warthog, matching its speed.
“Huh?” began Mamoru as both cars rolled down their windows.
“Hey! Who are…?” added Nyanko. Then the Spores all began freaking out as they recognized the occupants of the two cars. In the black car were none other than Mirielle and Kikira from “Noir”. In the blue Ford GT-500 was Rally Vincent from “Gunsmith Cats”. All three girls pulled out pistols, took aim at the Warthog, and started shooting.
“All right!” called out Haruka, “Rally Vincent and the Noir-chicks! This just keeps getting better and better!”
“Indeed!” remarked Michiru, licking her lips at the sight of Mirielle.
“Wait a minute,” objected Minako, “Why are a couple of assassins getting involved in the Sporehunt?”
“Probably because a “double if dead” bounty is basically a contract hit,” replied Hotaru, “I wish Morrigan would change Helios’ bounty to a “double if dead”, too!”
“Do it,” urged Setsuna as she stared at the ensuing firefight, “Do it! Come on, you bimbos! Kill those sons a bitches!!!”
“Yeah!!” screamed Hotaru, leaning forward a little, “Blow Helios’ f&$%ing brains out!!!”
“No!!” shouted Setsuna, “Shoot him on either side of his groin, sever those femoral arteries, and let him bleed to death!!!”
“Perfect!!” cried Hotaru happily as she high-fived Setsuna. Minako and Artemis both stared at them in abject horror.
“Okay, I’m just going to move over here for the rest of the night,” said Artemis as he hopped down onto the floor.
C-Pov – slightly downwards at Rally Vincent as she emptied her Desert Eagle into the side of the Warthog, putting numerous dents in its side armor. The scene switched again, focusing on Kikira and Mirielle as they emptied their guns into the Warthog as well, aiming for the tires but failing to penetrate the armored wheelguards.
“We’ve gotta get the hell outta here!” screamed FishEye. Suddenly, the Spores were all thrown to the side as Rally rammed her car into the Warthog. A second later, Mirielle did the same thing, slamming her car against the Warthog while Kikira emptied her pistol into Excel, hitting her about half a dozen times and pushing her right into Nyanko and Chibiusa.
“Ow!!” cried Excel.
“Oh god, she’s been shot!” shouted Nyanko, “Are you all right!?” Excel just burst out into a huge smile and flashed them the V-sign as she brushed off the from of her jacket, which now had about six deep dents in it.
“Excel like to wear Kevlar!” she replied, happily, “Excel’s Kevlar jacket helps keep her really, really safe so she can further the great and wondrous goals of Lord Ilpalazzo!” Chibiusa quickly punched Excel in the face.
“Stop going on and on about that stupid Ilpalazzo @$$hole!” she screamed, “We don’t care!!” The conversation are interrupted as Rally Vincent began shooting again, putting a bullet straight through Chibiusa’s hair. Mirielle and Kikira also kept shooting, and suddenly a loud bang suddenly could be heard over the noise as one of their shots finally blew out one of the Warthog’s tires. The headrest of the driver’s seat exploded a moment later as a micronized rocket struck it from behind, throwing FishEye forward and causing him to loose control.
Mamoru squealed in hysterical terror as the Warthog weaved back and forth across the road, slamming first into Rally’s car, then Mirielle’s, sending both cars spinning out of control.
“Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…!!!” screamed Mirielle and Kikira simultaneously as their car spun out, went off the road, and crashed head-on into…Tortoro.
C-Pov – the car’s point of view as it plowed straight into Tortoro’s smiling face, which turned into a distressed frown mere moments before impact.
WHAM!!!
“Noooooooo! Not Tortoro!!” wailed Minako as she burst out into tears.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” screamed everyone else in hysterical laughter.
“Our friend Tortoro just became some serious roadkill!” called out Haruka.
Meanwhile, Rally’s GT-500 spun out and crashed straight through a guardrail, straight off the other side, and briefly became airborne. The camera zoomed in, catching every moment of Rally Vincent freaking out.
“On my goddess!!” she wailed, “I don’t wanna die a virgin!!” Suddenly, there was a huge crunch as her car hit the ground, kept driving downhill at over 50 miles per hour, and crashed straight into the Hinata apartment complex. Busting through the wall and flattening the dining room table ( and very nearly flattening the entire cast of “Love Hina” in the process ), Rally was unable to regain control. Finally, her famous car, which was now looking a whole lot worse for wear, smashed through one final wall and came to a shuddering halt in the middle of the bathing pool, quickly sinking up to the windows. Rally facefaulted and thumped her head against the steering wheel.
“Son of a…” she moaned as the inside of her car filled up to her chest.
The scene switched, returning back to the swerving and weaving Warthog and Eudial’s car. Solarchos fired another shot at it, but the Warthog swerved aside at the last moment, causing the gyroslug to shoot past and strike…
…a Puchuu standing on the guardrail. The cute little critter was hit by the shot and immediately exploded, splattering its now-ugly face all over the place.
“Nice shot!” called out Seiya, “You nailed that Puchuu good!” Solarchos sweatdropped a little
“I was aiming for the Spores,” he grumbled.
“Still, Puchuus *are * on the bounty list,” corrected Morrigan over the radio, “That’s another 200 dollars for the SporeHunters so don’t feel so bad about missing.”
“We’ve gotta stop that damn thing!” shouted Shaldra, “Or at least slow it down enough that some of us can jump aboard!”
“With how those idiots are weaving all over the place there’s no chance of that happening,” called out Eudial.
“I’d like to know who the hell’s driving that thing and whether or not they’re on crack,” said Jup.Knight, “They just ran the Mystery Machine off the road!” Everyone was suddenly thrown to one side as Eudial swerved hard, following the Warthog as it took an exit off the highway and re-entered the city. They were getting close to Galaxy TV.
“I’ve got an idea of how to stop that thing,” announced Starcat, “But I’ve got a feeling you aren’t going to like it, Solar.” Solarchos looked back at Starcat, then at her excited expression, then at the plasma grenade she was now holding.
“Something tells me I’m about to be out another Warthog,” he grumbled.
C-Pov – An outside shot of an ordinary-looking parked car…roughly a second before the Warthog crashed into it from behind, rolling up onto its rear, over its roof, and back down over its hood, driving back onto the road and continuing with hardly any loss of speed. The Spores stared back at the ruined car they’d just partially flattened.
“Oops!” cried FishEye, “Do you think I should leave them a note or something?”
“Uhh, no!” replied Nyanko as she saw some guy come out of a nearby shop, see the ruined car, and fall to his knees sobbing, “Just keep driving and don’t look back!”
“Galaxy TV, dead ahead,” announced Morrigan over the radio, “Looks like you jokers actually made it.”
“Yaaaaaaay!” cried Excel as she stood up, clapping happily and flashing the V-sign again. Just then, Eudial’s car suddenly swerved up alongside them. Before anyone could do anything about it, a small glowing blue ball was thrown through the air and struck the Warthog on its rear wheel, sticking to the wheelguard plate like it was glued on.
“Hold on!” yelled Eudial as she stomped on the brakes, putting her car into a tremendous screeching halt and sending all of the SporeHunters flying forward. A moment later, Starcat’s plasma grenade exploded in a brilliant blue flash of light.
C-Pov – the inside of the Warthog looking down at the Spores from the rear-view mirror. The words “CRASH-CAM” appeared at the bottom of the screen. There was a huge thump as the grenade detonated, the force of the blast sending the rear of the Warthog upwards. FishEye freaked out as he instantly lost control. Mamoru screamed in terror, his ear-piercing shriek mingling beautifully with those of Chibiusa, Nyanko, and Helios as the Warthog was pitched onto its nose and proceeded to flip over.
“Kuuuuuu-PIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!” screamed NakoNako.
“Eeeeeeeeeee-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!” wailed Chibiusa, tears squirting from her eyes as the Warthog continued to roll over. The camera angle didn’t change, showing nothing of the wreckage they were leaving in their wake, but the purple blood splattering onto the Spores was a good indication that some Puchuus had become collateral damage.
Back in the Suburban Senshi’s den, everyone stared in awed silence as the Spores continued their crash, obviously rolling over several more times. The screaming never stopped and Hotaru burst out into evil laughter as she caught sight of the spreading wet patch in the crotch of Helios’ pants. Finally, after several seconds the sounds of crunching and the unmistakable scraping of metal, and one gigantic crash of glass, the Warthog came to a halt and most of the Spores fell to the side of the screen. The Warthog was not lying on its side in the front lobby of Galaxy TV.
Before any of the Suburban Senshi could do anything, the screen froze…
LET’S SEE THAT AGAIN!! proclaimed the subtitles at the bottom of the screen.
“HELL YEAH!!” shouted Haruka. Suddenly, the movie reshowed the entire “Crash-Cam” sequence from the beginning…in glorious slow motion. All of the Suburban Senshi proceeded to go wild, clapping and cheering the whole time.
“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen since “Faces of Death”!” cried Jedite happily.
“This movie TRULY deserves an Oscar award!” added Michiru.
“It certainly beats Michael Moore’s crap,” stated Artemis, “That fat, socialist, f#%&!” Setsuna and Hotaru were actually headbanging in a rare display of emotion, which surprised more than a few people.
“NakoNako…!” wailed Minako, who was clearly NOT enjoying the crash scene. Laughing insanely, Professor Tomoe quickly silenced Minako’s crying by stuffing a Sailor V plushie into her mouth.
“Okay! You made it! Great job with the car-chase scene!” stated Morrigan over the radio, “Lotsa drama, lotsa carnage! The audience will love it! Now get your butts to studio 4 on the second floor and double-time it!” Meanwhile, the Spores were busy extricating themselves from the badly-damaged Warthog and staggering around the lobby, oblivious to the dozens of people standing around staring at them. Chibiusa got to her feet first, staggered over to the nearest wall, and noisily threw up.
“Excel feels very very dizzy,” whimpered Excel as she took a few wobbly steps, then fell to her knees and hurled the contents of her stomach onto the floor. The Spores all quickly began to recover as they heard the unmistakable sound of Eudial’s car approaching.
“Hurry!” stated Mamoru, posing dramatically, “You must get Small Lady out of here. I will buy you all the time needed for you to escape!”
“Fine by me,” stated Nyanko.
“Catch you later, Sheet-boy,” added Helios.
“Bye!” replied Excel, “Have fun getting slaughtered!”
“Kupi kupi!” chirped NakoNako happily. Without another word, Helios and Excel clapped their hands over FishEye’s and Chibiusa’s mouths, silencing their protests, and proceeded to quickly drag them away while Nyanko grabbed the shotgun they’d stolen from Starcat. Within seconds the Spores had dashed away, leaving Mamoru behind.
“Hey!!” he shouted, “You’re supposed to beg me not to risk myself like this, not just scarper off like this!!”
“Bwaaaaa-hahaha!!!” cried Jedite, “Cape-boy got ditched!”
“And the harsh, ugly face of reality rears its head at Tuxedo Kamen,” added Michiru, “Oh fortune, how you mock him.”
“Mock him…and entertain us!!” stated Tomoe.
The scene switched over to Eudial and the Sporehunters as Eudial sped straight towards the wreckage of the Warthog. Mamoru, already dressed up as Tuxedo Kamen, was slowly and deliberately walking towards them.
“Ooooo, Cape-boy’s gonna be Tuxedo Roadkill!” hissed Eudial.
“SporeHunters,” announced Morrigan, “I am now authorizing a 4000 dollar bounty for the LIVE capture of Cape-boy. Got it?” The Sporehunters all began smiling.
“Oooooo!” whispered Kakyuu, “We gonna catch us a Cape-boy now!”
Dramatic music began playing ( “Mona Lisa Overdrive” still ) as Eudial’s car continued to bear down on Tuxedo Kamen. He stood completely still as the scarlet-haired witch came right at him. Then, at the last moment, he dived to the side, just barely avoiding getting run over and hurling a single rose at the windshield.
Close up of the rose striking the windshield, sticking into the glass and cracking it noticeably. Eudial swerved slightly, going around Tuxedo Kamen. As he dove to the side Tuxedo Kamen whipped out his cane and stabbed it forwards, aiming at the tires with the intention of puncturing it. He closed his eyes as he did so, apparently envisioning the entire scenario, playing all out in his mind, factoring in everything needed.
“Ooooooo…!” moaned Setsuna, hearts beating in her eyes as she watched every move Mamoru made.
“He’s so dashing and suave!” added Minako, equally enraptured.
“Oh, puh-lease!” snapped Jedite, “The man’s a effete poser in a tuxedo with a flower fetish and a pervert for a future daughter.”
“No!” cried Setsuna, “Mamo-chan will save the day! I know he will!”
Tuxedo Kamen quickly rose to his feet and spun around. Opening his eyes, he surveyed the scene…and realized things hadn’t quite gone the way he’d wanted.
Eudial’s car was idling nearby…with its tires undamaged. Tuxedo Kamen’s cane, however, had snapped like a twig after making contact with the car. The Sporehunters had already gotten out of the car.
“You’re gonna pay for that windshield, Cape-boy!” screamed Eudial as she charged at him and knocked him to the ground in a quarterback-tackle.
“Take that, Tuxedo faggot!!” screamed Wolfwood. Leudast started kicking the crap out of Mamoru while Kakyuu started jumping up and down on Mamoru’s back. Things got ugly for Cape-boy really fast.
“All right!” called out Morrigan over the radio, “That’s another 4000 dollars for the Sporehunters!”
“YEAH!!!” screamed Jedite, “Hit him! Hit him! Beat the crap out of him!”
“Smoke that mutha like he ain’t no thang!!” yelled Tomoe. Setsuna was in tears, Minako and Artemis’ heads were tilting slightly, Hotaru was a little crestfallen, rei.bot seemed unperturbed, and Haruka and Michiru were cringing slightly as the beating continued.
“Wow!” commented Artemis, “They’re really going to town on him!”
“Mamo-chan’s going to be stealing that and mourning!” added Minako.
“FEELING it in the MORNING!” snapped Hotaru, sweatdropping.
“Waaaaaaaahhhhh!!!” wailed Setsuna, crying like Usagi.
“Oh, accept the pain, Meioh,” retorted Jedite, “We all knew this was going to happen the moment those Sporehunters went after him.”
“Jeez! They’re beating him up with raw O.J.-like inhumanity!” cried Haruka.
“I know,” replied Michiru, “What barbarism. What unsophisticated thugs. Those Sporehunters…” Tomoe quickly stuck a handful of potato chips into Michiru’s mouth to shut her up.
“Those Sporehunters rule!!” he shouted, “They rule! Whoa! They just shoved him head-first into a garbage can! Now they’re kicking and beating the hell out of the can!! Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!”
“This is pure gold! I love this!” cried Haruka.
The Sporehunters quickly tied up Mamoru with cufftape and threw him ( and yes, I do me *threw * him ) into the back of Eudial’s car. They all then stood together at the lobby of Galaxy TV. They looked up, then at each other, and all nodded.
“Let’s get that Spore and kick her ass!” stated Adam.
“Nyanko’s mine,” growled Kakyuu.
“Kickass,” stated Jup.Knight firmly. Shaldra just purred, waving her tail eagerly. All of the Sporehunters began dashing towards the lobby, eager to continue the chase.
All except for Wolfwood, who tapped Eudial on the shoulder.
“Are you going with them?” asked Eudial. Wolfwood shook his head.
“Not right now,” he told her, “I need you to give me a ride. There’s something I need to take care of for a friend, and it needs to be done now before it’s too late.” Eudial nodded and they both dashed back to her car. The scene then faded to black.
PLEASE INSERT DISC 4.
“Awww, crap!” cried Haruka, “Quick! Change out the disc!”
“Yeah, I wanna see Wolfwood get his ride from Eudial!” called out Tomoe, “Muahahahahaha!” Michiru quickly thwapped him with harisen.
“Hentai!” she snapped.
“Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!” bawled Setsuna, still crying. Artemis was covering his ears with his paws to drown out the awful noise.
“And I thought Usagi was loud!” he commented.
“I’ve got it,” said Hotaru as she got up. All of a sudden the lights went out.
“What the…?!” demanded Haruka.
“Not a blackout!” cried Minako, “Not now!”
“No!” shouted Jedite, “I must see Disc 4! I must watch the Spore get her ass kicked!”
“Wait a sec!” called out Hotaru, “The lights in the houses across the street are still on. What’s going on here?”
“Main power cut off,” intoned rei.bot, “Circuit breakers have been tripped. Thank Nephrite for that.”
“Nephrite??!!” shouted Jedite and Haruka simultaneously.
“That son of a…” snarled Michiru.
“You mean he yanked the power lines to this house somehow?” asked Setsuna.
“He probably screwed with the power meter outside,” replied Tomoe, “rei.bot can have it fixed in a few seconds.” Rei.bot nodded and silently got up to do so. Meanwhile, Michiru picked up a few of the empty beer bottles littering the floor and went into the kitchen to fully empty them out, stepping around the shattered remains of the counter in the process. Everyone watched her, curious.
“Uhh, Michi, what are you?” began Haruka. She cringed a little as she saw “that look” in her eyes.
“Have you got some gasoline lying around, Haruka?” asked Michiru.
“Uhh…yeah, why?” Michiru smiled evilly.
“Get it!” she snarled, “We’re gonna FIREBOMB that b@$^@rds house for this one!”
“HELL YEAH!!” shouted Jedite as he rushed over to help.
“But you promised that that dumb feud between you and him was over!” objected Hotaru. Michiru continued to smile evilly, madness glinting in her eyes.
“I lied!” Hotaru, Minako, and Artemis sweatdropped big-time.