T & M Productions, in Association with Xadium Studios
And the Suburban Senshi Signal Corps
Shamelessly Presents…
Suburban Senshi : Sporehunt
Episode 8 – Iron Senshi
Usual legal crap : The following story and its sequels are works of pure parody and fiction and do not represent actual views, attitudes, and feelings. Except in regard to Chibiusa Tsukino who needs to be summarily executed. Just about all of the characters portrayed in this are pretty much the property of someone else. They know who they are. I’m not stealing them; I’m just borrowing them for a little bit. Imitation and imagination are the sincerest forms of flattery.
“Ooo-hohohohohohohohoho!!” Michiru’s insane laughter filled the air as she hurled another lit Molotov cocktail at Nephrite’s house. The bottle shattered against the front door, dousing it with ignited gasoline. Already several windows had been smashed, the paneling on one side had been slashed apart by Hotaru’s glaive, the roof had been set on fire by Professor Tomoe and Minako, the garage had been utterly destroyed by a well-placed World-Shaking, Setsuna was blowing holes in the second floor with continuous Dead Screams, and Jedite was going to town in the back yard with a chainsaw. Artemis stayed next to rei.bot, who was casually hanging back and staying uninvolved.
“Insanity reigns,” intoned rei.bot as she watched with her usual impassive expression, “Destruction for its own sake...what a bunch of freaks.”
“Yes, but they sure look like they’re having fun doing it,” replied Artemis. From the back yard came a loon-like cry of maniacal laughter as Jedite finished sawing through a large tree, then tipped it over, allowing it to collapse against the back of Nephrite’s house with a loud crash. Jedite then set the tree on fire with a well-placed blast of dark lightning.
“The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!” chanted Setsuna, grooving a little to the delight of any young boys lurking in the shadows, “We don’t need no water, let it burn yo burn yo! We don’t need no water let it burn!”
“And burning it is!” added Haruka, “That was fun!”
“Yes, we should commit arson and willful destruction of private property more often!” called out Prof. Tomoe, “Who wants Tasty Coffee?!”
The Suburban Senshi returned to their house. Some of them were carrying long sticks upon which roasted marshmallows were simmering. Over on the next street the flames were climbing higher as they relentlessly consumed Nephrite’s house.
“Heh,” remarked Jedite, “I have to admit that was rather amusing.”
“That’ll teach that bastard to mess with our power,” added Michiru. They all quickly sat back down and pressed “play” on the DVD remote.
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEWS HAVE BEEN APPROVED BY T & M PRODUCTIONS…
“Previews?” asked Minako, “As in more than one?”
“Dammit!” snapped Haruka, “Not more of that dumbass blond ditz!”
The scene showed a frontal of Haruka getting ready to fight.
“I want you to hit me as hard as you can,” she stated.
“What?” asked a confused Usagi.
Announcer : “She thought she had the perfect life.” The scene showed Usagi lying in bed, fast asleep and snoring.
Usagi : “I met dynamic women…” The scene showed Usagi getting yelled at by an angry Rei. “I had a good job…”
Rei : “SHUT UP!!” The scene switched to show Usagi playing on an arcade game
Usagi : “I had a good job.” Usagi pressed a buttons repeatedly on the game, then the scene switched to show daimon-box after daimon-box rolling along a conveyer belt towards Eudial’s car.
Eudial : “You’re not paid to abuse the copy machine!” The scene switched to Sailor Moon striking her famous pose, then switched again to show large crowds of clapping, happy people.
Usagi : “I had it all…and then I met…Tyler Durden.” The scene switched again, showing Haruka in her school uniform.
Haruka : “Welcome to Fight Club.”
Confused Usagi : “What is that?”
Haruka : “Fight Club’s the beginning.” The next scenes flashed by in rapid succession, showing all of the Senshi and various villains all looking eager for a fight.
Happy, grinning Usagi as she flashes the V-sign : “I am enlighted.” The next scene showed Jupiter accidentally kneeing Mars in the ribs instead of Cooan and various scenes of the Senshi and SM villains launching attacks at each other…or getting nailed by an attack. Then it showed Sailor Uranus, posing imperiously.
Haruka : “First rule of Fight Club…you do not talk about Fight Club! Second rule of Fight Club (close up of Haruka’s face )…you do not talk about Fight Club!”
Facefaulting Usagi : “What did you guys do?!”
Nonchalant Haruka : “You wanna make an omelet…” The next scene showed Professor Tomoe hugging and cradling a daimon-pod. “…you gotta break some eggs.”
Announcer as Haruka’s pic appeared : “Brat Pitt…” Sailor Moon appeared, preparing to hurl her tiara. “Edward Norton…”
The next scene showed all of the Inner Senshi dancing around desperately as flames raged around their feet due to Mars’ careless use of a fire blast.
Usagi voice-over : “This is too much!”
Angry Haruka : “What did you expect?!” The scene switched again, showing Jesse and James from Pokemon posing…and holding a great big red R between them.
Announcer : “Fight Club…rated R. Coming soon to a theater near you.” The final scene showed Usagi and Rei fighting at the Hikowa temple and rolling around on the ground…then Usagi lying on the ground with several red marks on her face.
Injured Usagi : “…That hurt…”
“Is that for real?” asked Setsuna.
“Aren’t you supposed to already know the answer?” retorted Jedite, wryly.
“I am not the head of some underground anarchist organization!” objected Haruka loudly, “But I kinda wish I was.”
“Yeah, then you could act like an even bigger slob than you already are,” added Michiru.
“And beat the crap out everyone around you,” added Tomoe, “But you do that all the time anyway!” Just then the next preview began.
A lone figure dressed in military cameos stood in front of an upturned Warthog that for no reason whatsoever was on fire. Standing next to him was a well-known Japanese pop-idol.
“Hey! That’s a Sporehunter!” called out Artemis, “That’s Wolfwood!”
“Sure is,” added Prof. Tomoe, “It’s Hotaru’s future boyfriend and sex-slave!” Hotaru growled angrily.
“Enough with the boyfriend nonsense already!” Minako’s eyes flashed with stars as she instantly recognized the pop-idol.
“Seiya-kun!” she sighed happily, “Oh, he’s as beautiful and handsome as ever!”
“He’s a fricken’ “she”, remember?!” cried Haruka, “Sailor Star Fighter, remember??!! Earth to Minako’s brain…hello?!”
“Hey everybody, I’m Wolfwood from the popular fan fiction series Sporehu…“ Wolfwood trailed off as someone else entered the frame, waving madly. “Fish-Eye?! What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be in this one!” Fish-eye began to well up with tears, albeit very very gay tears.
“But-but, you said I need to participate more! So I’m participating…in my own way,” sobbed Fish-Eye.
“And in what way is a skirt, high heels, and a shirt that reads ‘I love to kiss all the boys’ helpful?” demanded Wolfwood, shaking his head in abject disgust. “Ugh…lets just start over...”
“Hello everyone!” began Seiya, smiling blankly with a rather vacuous expression on her face (not unlike Mihoshi 95% of the time ), “I am Mr. Wolfwood from the popular fan fiction Sporehunt!!”
“Seiya, that’s my line!” retorted Wolfwood.
“…you can’t prove that!” taunted Seiya, sticking her tongue out at him. Suddenly, they all started looking around curiously.
“What’s that strange and unusual sound?” asked Fish-Eye.
“Sounds like Princess Kakyuu screaming bloody murder,” offered Seiya. A moment later, Princess Kakyuu ran across the screen with her hair on fire.
“AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs, “BLOODY MURDER!!! BLOODY MURDER!!!”
Everyone in the Sub-Sen Den recoiled in their chairs. Even rei.bot.
“Shimata!” shouted Jedite, “That princess screams louder than Usagi!”
“And Usagi can wail for sure,” added Setsuna, “I’ve sometimes heard her all the way from the Gates of Time. I kid you not!"
“As you all already know,” continued Wolfwood as Kakyuu ran off, “We tend to use a lot of Covenant plasma grenades from the Xbox game Halo in our series…”
“Or El~Halo as it is known in Spanish Land!” piped in Seiya. Wolfwood glowered at her for a moment before continuing.
“Seiya, you’re an idiot…anyway, much like the fourth of July, the fun of Sporehunt isn’t in the Hotdog wieners, the fun, or the non-stop binge drinking…we only do it for the sheer volume of explosions!”
“No it’s not!” objected Haruka, “It’s the non-stop binge drinking! NOTHING’S better than non-stop binge drinking!”
“Not even explosions?” asked Minako.
“Kickass!!” shouted Seiya, thrusting a fist into the air.
“Mmm…delicious wieners!” moaned Fish-Eye, drooling slightly. Wolfwood sweatdropped at Fish-Eye’s reaction.
“And in turn, we’ve assembled a short list of grenade-handling tips to make your experience more fun,” stated Wolfwood. “Let’s watch as Seiya and Fish-Eye demonstrate some common mistakes when handling these little treasures!” The scene switched, showing Seiya and Fish-Eye standing together in backgrounds that looked like they were drawn by Usagi herself. A caption appeared across the bottom of the screen – “Safety Tip #1 : Never play indoors with plasma grenades.”
“Fish-guy whose name I can’t remember!” called out Seiya, “Check out this awesome glowing ball! It is even more fun because we are playing with it inside!” Seiya began tossing around a glowing blue sphere the size of a tennis ball – a Covenant plasma grenade. An *armed * Covenant plasma grenade.
“Wait! That’s not a ball, that’s a grenade!” cried Fish-Eye.
“Do not worry man of tuna! We are completely safe! All of the doors and windows are locked from the outside, so we can not escape!” announced Seiya happily. Then a very nervous expression appeared on her face. “Oh…wait a minute…”
( Insert earth-shattering ka-boom here. )
Prof. Tomoe burst out into insane laughter at the sight of Seiya and Fish-Eye getting blasted.
“Yeah!” added Haruka, “Now THIS is entertainment!”
“Safety Tip #2 : Never play with plasma grenades near an open flame.” The next scene showed Seiya and Fish-Eye at a barbecue grill. Fish-Eye was wearing, to no one’s surprise, an apron that proclaimed “Kiss the Cook”.
“So Seiya, how do you like your meat?” asked Fish-Eye as he poked and prodded at the grill with a BBQ fork. “Burnt to a crisp, or pink and juicy?”
“Lobster dip man,” replied Seiya, “I will take that fuzzy glowing hamburger please.”
“That’s no hamburger, it’s a grenade!” cried Fish-Eye.
“I know! I switched them when you weren’t looking!” called out Seiya, grinning like an idiot. “Maybe I should not have done that!”
( Insert earth-shattering ka-boom here. )
Hotaru and Jedite cackled evilly as the pair got blown up again.
“I could watch this all day!” sighed Michiru, smirking a little.
“Indeed!” added Setsuna.
“Safety Tip #3 : Never put plasma grenades in your pants.” The next scene showed Seiya and Fish-Eye standing in the middle of a non-descript field that could’ve been any small field or park in Japan.
“Say Seiya,” asked Fish-Eye, “Have you seen my plasma grenade?”
“Yes, Maui Maui person,” replied Seiya, “I put it in my pants!” A look of slow realization came over Seiya’s face. “Wait…”
( Insert earth-shattering ka-boom here. )
“Putting plasma grenades down your own pants will result in injury or death,” announced Artemis, “Putting plasma grenades down someone ELSE’S pants will result in much rejoicing!” Jedite was currently laughing so hard tears were streaming from his eyes.
“Safety Tip #4 : Never aim plasma grenades at your friends…even if they piss you off by doing that really annoying thing. You know, that REALLY REALLY annoying thing.”
“Like Usagi’s wailing,” commented Jedite.
“Or Helios’ rapping,” added Hotaru.
“Or Haruka’s snoring,” said Minako.
“Or Michiru’s cooking,” offered Setsuna.
“Hey!!!” shouted Michiru.
Wolfwood stepped out in front of the camera, this time wearing a heavily padded EOD suit and a heavily reinforced helmet.
“In this last bit,” he announced, “The part of the grenade launcher will be played by our friend Starcat…enjoy!” Wolfwood stepped aside to reveal Fish-Eye and Seiya standing in the middle of another generic field. Standing right between them was none other than Starcat herself.
“Hey Mr. Grouper!” began Seiya, “Want to see my awesome grenade launcher?” Seiya motioned towards the happily-smiling Starcat, who flashed the V-sign.
“Totally!” replied Fish-Eye, “Just remember, don’t point it directly at me, ok?”
“OK, and I promise I won’t forget whatever it is you just said” called out Seiya as he turned Starcat right towards Fish-Eye. Starcat then chucked a plasma grenade right at Fish-Eye, the blue-glowing ball latching onto the Amazon’s face right between his eyes. Fish-Eye immediately went into super-deformed, big-head, uber-freak out mode a second before the grenade exploded spectacularly.
“I forgo-ot!!” called out Seiya.
“The sad thing is,” stated Haruka, “I can actually see those two doing that in real life. I really do.” Rei.bot nodded silently in agreement.
The scene switched back to the upturned and burning Warthog where Wolfwood was standing.
“All rightie, end scene,” he stated, “Well, I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today about the need for proper safety with plasma grenades and maybe, just maybe, a little about yourself. Oh, I almost forgot the most important safety tip! If you have small children around or even very stupid adults...never EVER let them play with Covenant plasma grenades without proper supervision!”
“Hey guys,” asked a voice from off-camera, “What’s that hissing noise?” Wolfwood looked to the side, then facefaulted.
“Oh f$%k!! Seiya!!” Off to the side of the screen a massive explosion knocked the camera sideways and sent Wolfwood flying off his feet.
“Uh-oh,” mumbled Fish-Eye from off-camera, “It’s running time!”
“Ying did it!” added Seiya from elsewhere. Meanwhile, Wolfwood was slowly getting to his feet.
“If I survive this, I’m going to kill both of you…slowly,” he hissed. Suddenly, a slim girl in a blue and white fuku with long brown hair, a fluffy grey-furred tail, and wolf-like ears popped in.
“What are you two losers talking about?!” shouted Yinggirl, “I’m not even in this messed-up fanfic!!”
“Heh...explosions!” chuckled Artemis, “I want a few of those plasma grenades for myself.”
“You’re not thinking of trying to blow up Teddy Ruxpin with them, are you?” exclaimed Minako.
“No. I’m just thinking of how much fish I could make off with from the Tokyo fish markets,” explained Artemis, “Just think about it! With a few of those grenades I could hold the place for ransom and get paid in fish! It’s a win-win situation either way you look at it!”
“Feh. Plasma grenades,” scoffed Jedite, “The tools of weaklings who can’t harness such powers naturally.”
“This coming from a guy who got set up by Usagi to get run over by a damn jumbo jet?” retorted Haruka, “Big words coming from a small fry like you.”
“Shut up, Te’nou!!” shouted Jedite, “I was just trying to get her to lower her guard!”
“By getting skid marks put all the way down the length of your spine?” asked Setsuna.
“Shut up!!” screamed Jedite, “At least I’m not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!”
AND NOW FOR OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION...
“SILENCE!!” screamed Haruka, standing up and pointing at them both imperiously as the TV screen darkened again. The show had started.
C-Pov – the inside of a fairly large meeting room at Ginga TV. Inside the room a group of corporate executives were busy having a business conference. The corporation was none other than Di$ney.
All of the Suburban Senshi groaned simultaneously.
“Not *these* bungholes...” grumbled Hotaru.
“Has anyone seen the latest figures for this quarter?” asked the senior exec as he began the meeting. The other men and women in the room shook their heads. “Our profit margins are a full 10% higher than we’d originally projected. We creamed ‘em!” Everyone began clapping at the good news. “Headquarters thinks it’s time to take our operations here in Japan to the next step, starting with taking advantage of the pop-culture here. Particularly in the fields of anime and manga. I’ve brought you all here to brainstorm and come up with ideas on how Di$ney can continue to spread American ideals and at the same time profit as much as possible from the Japanese.” He suddenly frowned. “What is that smell?” he asked, “Do I smell onions?” They all looked around the room and saw two newcomers sitting off to the side who obviously didn’t belong there. The first was a teenaged girl with bright green eyes and short blond hair, wearing a green-skirted sailor fuku. Sitting next to her was a tough-looking dark-haired young man wearing combat clothing and whittling away on a fresh onion with a knife. Layers of onion peels littered the ground at his feet. The screen froze for a moment, and subtitles appeared identifying the girl as Sailor Quinox and the guy as Gunarm Dyne.
“Excuse me,” called out the senior exec. Dyne looked up from his onion whittling while Quinox was skimming through a magazine. “May I ask what you are doing in this meeting room?” Dyne just smiled.
“You may proceed, mon amie,” stated Dyne as he faced Quinox, bowing to her. Sailor Quinox stood up.
“I’ll have to start by apologizing for my friend here,” began Quinox, “He has a little thing for drama.” Quinox cleared her throat. “Di$ney! Created by Walt Disney way back in the early part of the 20th Century with a character first known as Steamboat Willy. Over the years Walt Disney evolved and further refined his characters, creating such memorable names as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Goofy, Donald and Daisy Duck, Gladstone Gander, Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Dewy, and Louie, DarkWing Duck, Launchpad McQuack, Tinkerbell, Jiminey Cricket, Chip and Dale, and many, many more. Since it’s creation and subsequent incorporation, the Di$ney corporation has spawned dozens of full-length theatrical films, an equal number of TV shows, hundreds of music CD’s performed by the characters themselves, dozens of prime-time specials just in the United States alone, and a library of priced-to-own video cassettes and DVD’s, and let us not forget...theme-parks located around the globe naturally dubbed...Di$neyWorld. Did, uh, I miss anything?”
“You forgot Di$ney magazine,” replied the senior exec. Quinox immediately thwapped herself on the forehead.
“You forgot the magazine?!” called out Prof. Tomoe, “How could you forget the magazine, dumbass?!”
“Yeah! Everyone knows about the magazine!” added Setsuna.
“Doofus!” chimed in Haruka.
“You dumbo!” chided Minako.
“I don’t think that’s the appropriate phrase, Mina-san,” remarked Hotaru.
“Now,” continued the senior exec, “Is there a point to all this?”
“You,” began Quinox, her voice and face taking on a serious tone, “And your board are idolators.” Meanwhile, Dyne had gotten up and was walking by.
“I can’t believe you forgot about Di$ney magazine,” he whispered to Quinox as he passed by her. Dyne walked up to the senior exec and showed him the onion figure he’d been carving. “That’s you. Do you know much about voodoo? It’s a fascinating practice. No real doctrine of faith to speak of. More of an arrangement of superstitions. The most well-known of which...is the voodoo doll.” The camera focused for a moment on the onion figure as Dyne set it down on the table. “You see...” Dyne broke off as he suddenly sneezed. A few seconds of silence followed as all of the Di$ney executives just watched him closely. “...a mock-up of an individual is subjected to various pokes and prods. The desired result is that the individual will feel those effects.”
“Call security!” ordered the senior exec. One of the other people at the table leaned forward towards the conference phone sitting in the middle of the table. Before he could touch it, however, Dyne reared back his arm and threw the knife he’d been holding at the phone. With a loud crunch and the sound of something short-circuiting, the phone was rendered inoperative.
“All lines are currently down,” replied Dyne, smiling happily. Sailor Quinox suddenly got back to her feet, clearing her throat.
“Okay...” she began.
“Would you just knock it off!” retorted Dyne.
“You’re doing it again! What did we talk about?” warned Quinox.
“Aw, f^%$!!” cried Dyne, exasperated. Dyne sat down while Quinox resumed talking.
“You are responsible for raising an icon that draws worship away from the Kami-sama,” continued Quinox, motioning towards the gold-colored Mickey Mouse statuette sitting on the far end of the table. “You have broken the First Commandment. More than that I’m afraid not ONE of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like YOU...” Quinox pointed at one of the men sitting at the table, the camera focusing in on his face. “Last year you cheated on your wife of seventeen years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching...the...kids.”
“In the bed that you and wife share, no less,” added Dyne, chuckling.
“YOU,” continued Sailor Quinox, pointing at a different person, “You got your girlfriend drunk at a party last year and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed to you in the morning. She killed herself three months later.”
“YOU!” The camera focused on a different man. “Disowned your gay son. Very compassionate! YOU! You put your mother in a third-rate nursing home and used the profits from the sale of HER home to buy yourself an oriental rug. Nice! And YOU! You flew to Thailand on the company expense account to have sex with an eleven...year...old...BOY!”
Jedite snickered and glanced at Hotaru.
“I guess we know where you’ll be taking your next vacation,” he remarked. Hotaru growled and flipped him off. Meanwhile, Setsuna’s face had turned bright red.
“How did she know about my trip to Thailand?!!” she whispered to herself.
“And YOU!” continued Quinox, “You okayed the production of a line of Di$ney-authorized Happy-Meal toys from materials that you knew to be toxic and unsafe because it was SURVEY SAYS?! Less costly! And YOU...!” By now Quinox was standing next to the one woman in the room. “Are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you!” Quinox then turned and walked over to the senior Di$ney exec and stood right next to him. “But you, Mr. Morden, you have more skeletons, and shadows, in your closet than this entire room put together. So many that I dare not even mention them out loud.” She then delicately leaned down and began whispering in the senior exec’s ear.
“Now go for the tongue-kissing and start making out with him!!” shouted Prof. Tomoe, “Get it on, baby!! Lap-dance!! Lap-dance!!”
“Aw dammit!” called out Michiru, “His brain is still back at Planet Hentai!”
“I think it’s always going to be back there,” added Minako.
“Probably along with all of his spare money,” added Hotaru.
The senior exec, Mr. Morden, suddenly burst out into tears and sobbed silently.
“You’re his father!” exclaimed Dyne, “You sick f$^%!” Sailor Quinox slowly walked out of the room, adding a sultry little sway to her hips as she closed the door behind her, leaving the Di$ney execs alone with Dyne.
“Well!” declared Dyne as he stood up, “Alone at last. You know, with the exception of only one of you, there isn’t a single decent human being in this room. Not one. Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. Therein lies the problem. None of you have anything left to fear any more. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgement, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from the Kami-sama.” Fixing them all with a scornful glare, Dyne started to leave. Just as he got to the door, he suddenly turned around. “Oops! Forgot my little voodoo doll.” He walked back over to Mr. Morden to pick up the carved onion figure, then stopped. “Wow. You know, it really looks just like you! I...you know, if I believed enough in this sort of thing...I wonder. I wonder.” The camera closed in, focusing on the onion figure as Dyne began passing his hands over it. Moaning and mumbling dramatically, Dyne kept moving his hands in the air directly above the figure. A few seconds later, Mr. Morden yelped and flinched as Dyne suddenly raised a fist and brought it down hard on the onion figure, squashing it flat and sending pieces spewing in all directions.
Scene switch. C-Pov – right outside Ginga TV as Teddy Ruxpin and Luna were sitting on a wall and nuzzling happily. All of a sudden, Teddy Ruxpin was flattened by an invisible force with such strength that he popped like a balloon, explosively spewing cotton stuffing in all directions. Luna was instantly knocked backwards by the force of Teddy Ruxpin’s flattening.
“Oh my goddess!” cried Luna, “They killed Teddy! You bastards!”
“MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” screamed Artemis at the top of his in mad, hysterical laughter, “Take that you wife-stealing sonofabitch!!!”
“They done killed Teddy Ruxpin!” exclaimed Haruka.
“GOOD!!!” shouted Setsuna, “I never liked him anyway.”
“How did they do that anyway?” asked Hotaru, “All that Dyne guy did was squash an onion.”
“Hmph,” retorted Jedite, “It wasn’t that impressive. They should have gotten Luna, too.”
The scene switched back to the meeting room when Mr. Morden was slowly calming down and Dyne was wiping the onion mush off his hand.
“I don’t believe in voodoo!” he told them all with a laugh. Shaking his head, Dyne left the meeting room, closing the door behind him and laughing. The various Di$ney execs looked at each other, started to calm down a little, and tried to get back to work.
Ten seconds later the doors burst open again as Gunarm Dyne stormed back in, carrying a fully-loaded pump-action shotgun.
“But I do believe in this!” he proclaimed. The meeting room immediately erupted into a panic as Dyne walked off camera. The camera remained focused on the doors, filming nothing of the obvious carnage as the air was filled with gunshots, screaming, and a sudden spray of blood across the door’s surface. “DON’T RUN! DON’T RUN! PIGS! PIGS! ALL OF YOU PIGS! PIGS! ALL OF YOU! IN THE BED YOU AND YOUR WIFE SHARE NO LESS!”
The entire Sub-Sen den erupted into wild, mad laughter as the carnage began. Even rei.bot was smirking in amusement.
“Yes! Yes!” screamed Jedite at the top of his lungs, “Get ‘em! Get ‘em! Get ‘em all!”
“Die, Di$ney bastards!” shouted Prof. Tomoe.
“O-hohohohohohohohoho!” squealed Michiru in delight, “I hope some of those guys are the ones responsible for creating the Sailor Moon dub!”
“Wasn’t it DiC that was responsible for that?” asked Minako.
“Who cares!” shouted Haruka, “Di$ney sucks ass!!”
“That’s way more than five shots!” called out Hotaru, “That guy’s going nuts in there!”
“Good! They deserve it!” cried Setsuna. Artemis was still laughing hysterically from the sudden unexpected pancaking of Teddy Ruxpin.
Sailor Quinox sat outside the meeting room, flipping through a magazine and listening to the sounds of shotguns blasting and Dyne ranting loudly as he summarily executed the executives.
“But I do believe in this?” she wondered aloud, “What does that mean anyway?”
“AND ONE TO GROW ON!!” shouted Dyne as he fired off one last shot.
The scene switched back into the meeting room, focusing in on a blood-speckled golden Mickey Mouse statuette. Dyne took one look at the statuette, then aimed at it and blew it to smithereens.
“YEAH!!” screamed Jedite, “Now THAT’S what I call a buzz-clip!” Professor Tomoe just headbanged wildly.
“No shit!” added Haruka.
Dyne helped a blood-spattered Miss Bryce to her feet and smiled at her.
“Gum?” he said, offering her a stick of gum. She slowly reached out and took the offered gum, staring at him in a complete daze. “It’s okay. You’ve done nothing wrong. These guys were pigs. You’re a pure soul. But you didn’t bless me when I sneezed!!” Dyne scowled and took aim with the shotgun.
“Dyne...!” warned Sailor Quinox from outside. Dyne stopped, then lowered his gun as he glared at the freaking-out Miss Bryce.
“You’re getting off light,” he warned her.
“Dyne!!” called out Quinox again.
“I know! I’m coming!” he shouted back. Gunarm Dyne quickly trotted over to the door. “You’re so lucky!” he called back to Miss Bryce as he left the room.
“Shoot her!” screamed Jedite, “Shoot her! Don’t give her the chance to mess up! Execute her now!”
“Kill...kill...kill...kill...!” chanted Tomoe. Hotaru sighed in disgust.
“Ugh! You people are insane!” she cried.
The scene switched again, showing the Spores as they rushed through the hallways of Galaxy TV. Chibiusa was still carrying the shotgun. Turning a corner and screaming, she pumped the slide and fired...scoring a direct hit on a water cooler which imploded on impact.
“Uh...yeah,” commented Expel with a vapid, confused expression on her face.
“Nice going,” commented FishEye, “You killed a piece of office equipment.”
“Kupi,” said NakoNako.
“Great shot there, kiddo,” added Morrigan over the radio, “Listen, you’d better pick up the pace and get your asses into Studio 4 ‘cause the Sporehunters just got more competition and you’ve got company.”
“What?!” cried Chibiusa.
The scene switched, showing a security cam image of Dartz, Raphael, Amelda, Valon, Mai Kujyaku, and ( oddly enough ) Anzu Mazaki from Yu-Gi-Oh. All of them had their duel-decks strapped to their forearms and all of them were jogging down the hallway, splitting up as they reached a junction. The scene switched again, showing the Sporehunters as they moved carefully down a different hallway, weapons ready.
“Why is the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh joining in this?” wondered Minako.
“Hey, they’ve gotta pay for all of those cards they use in their duels somehow, right?” replied Artemis.
“Dammit! I don’t see Seto Kaiba anywhere in their group!” snapped Jedite, “I want to see that Blue-Eyes White Dragon of his power-lunch that pink freak and shit her out its ass!”
“Yeah! When Card-Monsters Go Bad!” laughed Tomoe, “Watch them mutate into lecherous tentacle monsters and turn on their owners! Hey, that gives me a brilliant idea for a new kind of daimon! Muahahahahahaha!” Setsuna merely groaned loud, reached back with her arm, and gave Prof. Tomoe a huge, resounding slap across his face.
“Hey! Don’t hit my father like that!” objected Hotaru, “That’s my job!” She quickly gave Tomoe a light thwap upside his head.
The scene switched back to the Spores as Chibiusa led the mad rush down the hallways. Helios was still hobbling a little from the rough treatment he’d received earlier, Nyanko was staying close to Helios ( mostly just to use him as a shield ), FishEye was looking a little nervous, and Excel was holding NakoNako by the horn and dragging her along faster than her little legs could carry her.
“Kupi!” protested NakoNako.
“Come on, little Kupi-thing!” stated Excel, happily, “Since Menchi seems to have disappeared on me, *you’ll* have to fill in for her as my emergency food supply!” NakoNako immediately sweat-dropped.
“Eeehhhhh! I need an ice-pack or something!” groaned Helios.
“Stop whining and keep moving!” ordered Nyanko, “You’re my emergency bullet shield!” FishEye suddenly pointed straight ahead.
“Look! There’s Studio 1!” he called out. Sure enough, the sign next to a door up ahead clearly stated that it was Studio 1.
“Yes!” hissed Chibiusa, “Our studio’s got to be around here somewhere!” As they kept moving down the hallway, they passed by the bathrooms. The women’s room door was suddenly kicked open and a short, scrawny guy with green hair and wearing glasses and a Duel-deck jumped out. It was Insector Weevil from Yu-Gi-Oh.
“Ha-haaaaaah!!” he screamed, “I’ve got you now, Spores!” He whipped out one of his cards. “For my first move, I now summon...!”
Brow-twitching a little, Chibiusa brought her shotgun up to her shoulder and blasted Weevil, literally blowing him out of his shoes and sending him flying backwards back INTO the bathroom he’d leapt out of. He slammed into the door so hard that he splintered part of the paneling.
“Hunting season is now open, jackass!” shouted Chibiusa.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” screamed the Suburban Senshi in hysterical laughter.
“Idiot!” called out Michiru.
“What a dumbass!” added Haruka.
“I knew that would happen,” intoned Setsuna.
“Who *couldn’t* see that one coming from a mile away?” retorted Jedite.
“What the hell was that creepy freakazoid doing in the women’s bathroom, anyway?” wondered Minako.
“You don’t want to know...” intoned rei.bot, “Weevil is a big pervert...much like Tenchi’s dad.”
“Eh, one less pervert in the world,” replied Hotaru.
The scene switched, showing one of the hallways as the Sporehunters quickly moved through them.
“What the hell was that?!” demanded Leudast as the shotgun blast rang out.
“Probably one of those damn bounty jumpers getting their butt clobbered for chasing after OUR prizes!” retorted Starcat.
“That wasn’t too far ahead of us, either!” called out Shaldra.
“Hey, Morrigan,” asked Kakyuu over the radio, “Are there any bounties on the other bounty jumpers?”
“No,” replied Morrigan quickly, “If there was then Sporehunt would quickly transform into a war and that’s not what I want. The only exception was Excel and she’s a special case.”
“Yeah,” added Adam, “A *basket* case!” A few people burst out into chuckles.
“No arguments there,” commented Leudast. Meanwhile, Solarchos and Jupiter Knight had rounded a corner...and stopped completely with confused expressions on their faces.
“The hell...?!” demanded Solarchos.
Just around the corner was a small kitchen area where the Yu-Gi-Oh bounty hunters were hanging out. Mai was ravenously scarfing down some cake, Anzu, Dartz and Raphael were further down the hall checking doors and investigating cubicles, and Valon and Amelda were in the kitchen trying to satisfy their snack cravings. Valon was eagerly opening up a package of Jell-O while Amelda had just finished putting a Pop-Tart inside a microwave over.
“All right,” commented Valon, “Time for me to make some Jell-O! There we...what the f#$%??!! It’s already done!”
Mai suddenly retched and gagged on the cake she was gobbling up, spitting out a huge mouthful and rushing over to the refrigerator where she grabbed the first bottle of water she could find and washed the taste out of her mouth.
“Ugh!” she cried, “That’s not cake it’s *tofu*!! What the hell kind of sick joke is this?!”
Meanwhile, Amelda took his Pop-tart out of the microwave and took a big time, then grimaced.
“What is this?” he wondered out loud to no-one in particular, “What is this? I put this in the microwave for three seconds. I...I put this in the microwave for *three* seconds! That’s all it needs! It needs three seconds to warm up! It’s a pastry!”
C-pov – the camera panned over to where the Sporehunters were standing and watching the whole scene with growing expressions of confusion on their faces. Sweatdrops and face-faults were slowly but surely forming.
“Pastries...only need three seconds to warm up! It’s ridiculous!” ranted Amelda as he continued to freak out. “I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe that this is happening right now. My Pop-tart is still cold...after *three* seconds! My Pop-tart...is *still*...COLD!!!” With a loud scream of outrage, Amelda flung his Pop-tart into the nearest wall and proceeded to start hammering on the offending microwave oven. Valon and Mai quickly joined in and began bashing the hell out of the kitchenette, breaking and throwing everything they could get their hands on that wasn’t bolted down...and ripping out and flinging several things that were as they proceeded to take their revenge on the shoddy American appliances and crappy American food. The background music ( fast-placed classical opera ) was playing loudly as the carnage continued and now all of the Sporehunters as well as Dartz, Raphael, and Anzu were standing idly by and watching it all happen with massive facefaults. Just then Dyne and Quinox came around the corner.
“Hey you guys!” called out Quinox as she caught sight of the Sporehunters, “It’s about time we caught up with you. How are...you...THE HELL??!!” She and Dyne immediately joined everyone else in facefaulting at the scene before them.
“What the f&%^ are those morons doing??!!” shouted Dartz.
“Having a nervous breakdown choreographed with classical music?” suggested Artemis.
“Not a bad choice of music when you think about it,” commented Michiru.
“Those morons have too much time on their hands,” commented Haruka.
“Either that or their brains have been fried by the ink of their duel cards,” suggested Michiru.
“I’m guessing it’s the latter,” said Hotaru.
“Hey, buttf#$%er!!” shouted a young voice directly behind Dartz. Dartz merely smiled and turned around slowly to face her, smirking coyly.
“Ah, there you are Miss Chibiusa Tsukino,” he stated knowingly, “I expected you to show up sooner, but then again I overestimated your abilities...”
CHA-KLACK!! Dartz’ eyes popped open as he realized that Chibiusa was holding a pump-action shotgun aimed directly at his crotch.
“Overestimate THAT, bishie-boy!! BONG!” shouted Helios from further down the hallway. Snickering, Chibiusa pulled the trigger and was almost knocked off her feet by the recoil of the shotgun going off. Dartz, on the other hand, took a direct hit in his abdomin and was hurled backwards by the impact, slamming him into the wall so hard that he left a huge dent in the plaster, then crumpled to the ground, curling up in a fetal ball as he hit the floor.
“IT’S THE SPORES!!!” shouted Jup.Knight, “Let ‘em have it!”
“Gah!! The Sporehunters are here, too?!” screamed Nyanko, “Run for it!”
“Noooooo!” wailed Fish-Eye, “They’ll mess up by pretty face beyond all recognition!”
“Well, Excel’s not running this time!” shouted Excel as she stepped out into the hallway towards Anzu and Raphael. All of a sudden Excel was wearing a Duel-deck on her arm, much to the surprise of everyone. “It’s time to DUEL!!”
“What the frell?” demanded Solarchos.
“Say wha...?!” stammered Seiya.
“Since when does Excel play Duel Monsters?” asked Starcat.
“Since now, obviously,” replied Valon.
“Hey, stupid!!” shouted Mai, calling out to Excel, “You’re wearing your duel-deck *backwards * dumbass!!”
“Can I please blow her brains out now?” inquired Kakyuu.
“Nah, let’s wait a minute or two,” replied Raphael, “Let’s see just how bad that freaky redhead screws it up for herself.”
“And she WILL screw this up,” stated Haruka, “That’s a foregone conclusion.”
“So Excel plays Yu-Gi-Oh?” began Hotaru, “What kind of deck does she play anyway?”
“Knowing her, it’s probably an ACROSS deck,” said Artemis.
“What’s in an ACROSS deck, anyway?” asked Prof. Tomoe.
“Probably lots and lots of useless Puchuus,” replied Setsuna, “The carnage value should be nothing short of awesome.”
“Not to mention the stupidity exhibited by Excel,” added Jedite.
Anzu stepped up to Excel.
“All right,” she stated, “I accept your challenge. Your move!” Excel chuckled evilly as she drew her first card with a flourish. Down at the corner of the TV screen Excel’s life points appeared at 8000.
“For my opening move I summon Loyal Minion Ha-chan in attack mode!!!” shrieked Excel as she laid down her card into one of the slots on her Duel-deck. With a flash of light, Hyaat appeared before Excel wearing her usual purple and red outfit. Hyaat’s attack and defense points appeared as well ( dedodedodedodedo ) ATT : 1000, DEF : 1000.
“Hi!” stated Hyaat as she materialized, waving and smiling.
“Loyal Minion Ha-chan?!” retorted Anzu, “I’ve never heard of that card before!”
“Yes, it’s one of Lord Ilpulazzo’s own design!” gloated Excel, “If she’s ever placed in my graveyard, she’ll just reappear in defense mode at the start of my next turn!” Another huge hologram of a card appeared face-down near the floor. “And I’ll finish my turn by laying one card face-down!”
“THE HELL??!!” demanded all of the Sporehunters as they watched the proceedings closely. The Spores, meanwhile, were huddled amongst themselves for a few seconds…then they quickly dashed away.
“Dammit!” shouted Shaldra, “They’re getting away!”
“Huh?” asked Jup.Knight.
“What?” added Leudast.
“Criminey! We were so fixated on that bunghole Excel that we totally didn’t see them all leave!” cried Starcat angrily.
“KILL HER!!” shouted Solarchos as he raised his weapon and took aim at Excel’s head. Snickering evilly, Dyne, Kakyuu, and Leudast all took aim.
“Hold on there, folks,” began Valon as he raised his arm to block everyone’s line of sight, “Let’s make a deal here.”
“Such as?” inquired Adam.
“I don’t know about you people,” continued Valon, “But I’m in the mood to see what this Excel-bimbo’s made of.”
“It’d be interesting to see if she’s actually as pathetic as she looks,” added Raphael.
“Oh, she is!!” cried Hotaru, “She most certainly is!”
“Here’s the idea,” stated Amelda, “We’ll keep the idiotic red-head here busy while you guys take out the rest of her crew.”
“We’ll just keep her preoccupied for a bit,” said Mai, “I want to see how this duel ends.”
“So that afterwards everyone can point at Excel and laugh their asses off at her,” stated Haruka.
“I’d rather just smash her head open with a sledge hammer,” said Jedite.
“That’s assuming she loses this duel,” added Minako, “What if she wins?” Everyone just stared at Minako silently. Then burst out laughing at her while she fumed silently.
“So after the duel the time-out’s done and it’s back to the hunt?” asked Quinox. Amelda, Mai, Valon, and Raphael all nodded.
“Although, standard Sporehunt rules apply – if we catch her we keep the bounty!” stated Raphael. Solarchos just sighed.
“Fine! Whatever. The rest of the Spores are getting away!” he called out. All of the Sporehunters immediately took off down the hallway, skirting around Anzu, Dartz ( who was still alive and writhing around on the floor, completely forgotten ), and Excel as Anzu prepared to make her first move in what would probably be the weirdest duel of her life.
The scene switched, showing Insector Weevil laying on the floor of the women’s bathroom. His shirt was ripped up pretty badly, but no blood discolored it.
Stun rounds, even when fired by a shotgun, weren’t lethal. Weevil’s eyes popped open and he groaned loudly in pain as he sat up.
“Oh no!” he groaned, “They got away! Dammit! Where’d they go?! Bastards!!” All of a sudden one of the toilets flushed and a stall door opened.
“Don’t worry, young man,” stated a tall man wearing a tan business suit with bushy curly hair, thick glasses, and a huge mustache to match as he stepped out of the stall in question. “Those criminals will be made to pay for their crimes against this city.” The screen froze for a second on him and his name appeared in subtitles : Kabapu.
“What the hell’s he doing in the women’s bathroom?!” demanded Setsuna.
“Being a pervert?” offered Michiru.
“What, any more than bug-boy lying on the floor there?” added Jedite.
“Kabapu? Dammit! It’s not Nabeshin! I want Nabeshin!” snapped Haruka.
Weevil slowly dragged himself to his feet as Kabapu washed his hands, giving Kabapu an odd look as he did so.
“Uh…what are you doing here in the women’s bathroom?” asked Weevil.
“Tracking down those criminals who are a blight on this fair city,” replied Kabapu, “I am here to track them down and destroy them.”
“Track them down?” asked Weevil, “How? They could be anywhere by now.”
“I know what they’re thinking,” stated Kabapu confidently, “They must’ve taken the passages going further into the building instead of leaving and escaping into the streets where there’d be more places to hide. I know this. I was trained at FBI headquarters in Langley. I’m an expert at profiling!”
“An expert?” asked Weevil, somewhat impressed, “So where exactly in the building are they, expert?”
“Don’t worry,” replied Kabapu, “I’ll track them down easily. I’m also an expert tracker. I grew up at Yellowstone National Park in Canada. A natural born hunter!”
“A hunter?” asked Weevil, “So were are they now?”
“Hunt this!” snapped Jedite as he flipped off the TV.
“Canada?!” called out Setsuna, “Yellowstone National Park’s in the United States, not Canada!”
“Poser!” shouted Artemis.
C-Pov – directly at a door leading into one of the studios. Specifically, Studio Four. Beside the door a red light was glowing brightly. Next to the light was a sign clearly stating do not enter : filming in process.
The Suburban Senshi watched silently as slow dramatic music started playing. The camera switched to floor level as someone wearing black shoes shined to a mirror finish stepped out. The C-Pov switched again, slowly panning outwards across a massive kitchen. Counters and cookers ringed the perimeter of a huge circular room. A distinguished-looking middle-aged man slowly stepped out into the middle of a landing at the top of a short flight of stairs. The camera did a close up of the man’s face as he stared out across the set. At finely polished silverware. At crystal glasses. At succulent meats, spices, herbs, and vegetables. He then reached down, picked up a fresh yellow bell pepper, looked at it for a brief moment…then took a huge, sudden bite out of it, smiling broadly as he began to chew.
Chairman Takeshi Kaga of the Gourmet Academy then looked directly at the camera as it began to rapidly back away. The lights came on, showing the dozens of smartly-dressed chefs standing stiffly at attention within the huge kitchen area known around the world as Kitchen Stadium.
Iron Chef had begun.
“Holy crap!” exclaimed Haruka, “Did somebody accidentally record Iron Chef over part of Sporehunt?!”
“They’d better not!” snarled Michiru, “If that’s the case then heads will roll!”
“Who’s heads?” asked Artemis. Rei.bot promptly pointed at Jedite.
Meanwhile, Chairman Kaga began his opening statements.
“Kitchen Stadium has always served as the focal point of greatness,” he stated, “Every single chef who has entered and left this place has always been a person of exceptional skill and caliber. That ability, however, has always seemed to have been possessed by those who’ve honed it over decades of work and experience. Never before have I ever found such experience and ability possessed by someone as young as the one who joins us now. Let’s bring her out! Makoto Kino!!”
“Mako-chan!!” cried Minako happily, clapping.
“Makoto’s in this?!” exclaimed Artemis, “This is a surprise!”
“I knew this would happen,” intoned Setsuna. Rei.bot just rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, right,” quipped Jedite, “Next you’ll be telling us there’s rings around Ur-anus!”
Makoto Kino walked into Kitchen Stadium amidst applause from the audience. Smiling radiantly, she walked up to Chairman Kaga and bowed deeply.
“Welcome, young lady,” stated Chairman Kaga, “Welcome to my Stadium. You are not the first woman to have participated on Iron Chef, but are certainly the youngest. To find such a prodigy as you is rare indeed.”
“Thank you, Chairman Kaga,” replied Makoto, “I’ve always dreamed of owning my own restaurant, but I never imagined I’d get a chance to come here to Kitchen Stadium!”
“You have been considered by many to be one of the best cooks in Juuban Province,” said Chairman Kaga, “And the fact that you are so young makes that doubly impressive. But now comes the test. Are you ready, young one?”
“Hai!” exclaimed Makoto, “I’m ready for whatever the Gourmet Academy has!”
“Good! Your eagerness will serve you well. Now, let’s call upon the pride of Gourmet Academy : the three Iron Chefs. I summon the Iron Chefs!!”
The stadium darkened and the music started playing as the three Iron Chefs were slowly lifted up into Kitchen Stadium. Makoto watched with barely contained excitement as Iron Chef Japanese (Rokusaburo Michiba ), Iron Chef Chinese ( Chen Kenichi ), and Iron Chef French ( Hiroyuki Sakai ) made their ascent before her.
“Now I ask you,” continued Chairman Kaga, “Who do you choose to compete your talents against?”
“Chen Kenichi! Iron Chef Chinese!” cried Makoto, “I choose you!”
“What? Did he suddenly become a new pokemon?” remarked Haruka.
“Hey, it could happen,” replied Michiru.
“Yeah, his special power would be to slaughter and cook his opponents in various highly creative and delicious ways,” said Hotaru.
“In that case, I’d like to have one,” added Jedite.
Iron Chef Chinese quickly made his way down next to Makoto, bowing to her and shaking her hand. The two of them quickly put on their aprons and stood before the Chairman as he prepared to unveil the ingredient.
“For tonight’s match, I figured it was time to try out an ingredient that, while certainly edible and healthy, has long been received poorly by all who taste it,” stated the Chairman, “Tonight I stand in the presence of two masters. One young, one old. Tonight, we shall all see whether this ingredient can be successfully utilized by you both. Kitchen Stadium has always set the bar high for its competitors, and tonight shall be no different! We unveil the ingredient!”
The Suburban Senshi all leaned forward and watched in awe as Chairman Kaga whipped off the veil and tonight’s ingredient was shone to everyone. Amidst the usual fanfare, a finely appointed table laden down with huge cuts of meat ascended into Kitchen Stadium…
Unfortunately, sitting on the table was NakoNako, who just stared around in confusion. Hiding underneath the table were Chibiusa, Helios, FishEye, and Tin Nyanko. They all sweatdropped as their cover was blown instantly. No one, however, paid them any attention.
“Today’s theme is…!” proclaimed Chairman Kaga, “…HORSE!!” NakoNako immediately burst out into terrified screams.
“What??!” shrieked Helios, “Horse??!!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!” screamed Nyanko as she stared out at the audience…and almost immediately caught sight of the Sporehunters sitting patiently, waiting for them to arrive. Shaldra and Quinox waved happily back at her. Kakyuu just gave her the finger.
“And now…AR’E CUISINE!!!” screamed Chairman Kaga as he began Kitchen Stadium’s newest battle…in more ways than one.
Jedite groaned loudly.
“Dammit! Just when it was getting good!” he griped. Minako burst out into loud wails.
“NakoNako…!!” she sobbed, “Those mean Sporehunters are going to blow her away on Iron Chef!!”
“If we’re lucky…” grumbled Michiru.
“Maybe they’ll cook Teddy Ruxpin, too!” added Artemis.
“Then they could blow away Excel on international television, too!” stated Professor Tomoe, “And people say there isn’t any quality programming on television any more! Muahahahahahah!!” Just then there came a knocking on the door. While Hotaru dashed to the bathroom, Haruka quickly went over to the door and opened it.
“Yeah, what?! We’re watching Sporehunt here…!” With a loud whap Haruka took a direct hit to the side of her face from an open-handed slap from Nephrite.
“YOU BASTARD, TEN’OU!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, “You burned down my house!! It’s on now!!” With a huge kiai, Nephrite dove on top of Haruka and proceeded to pimp-slap the hell out of Haruka. Rei.bot smiled wryly.
“I knew that would happen,” intoned Setsuna. Michiru groaned loudly as the fight in the entry hall continued.
“Tell us something we don’t know that actually HELPS!!!” she shouted.
“All right,” replied Setsuna, smiling a little, “We’re out of toilet paper.”
“YOU COULDN’T HAVE TOLD ME THAT TEN SECONDS AGO??!!” screamed Hotaru from the bathroom.
“Not as fun,” intoned rei.bot as she continued to smirk, enjoying the antics of Hotaru’s frustration combined with Haruka and Nephrite pummeling each other senseless while everyone else watched.
Yes…tonight was going to be a night long remembered.
Will Excel actually win her duel against Anzu? ( Tomoe : “Kill her now and save her the humiliation!” )
Will Luna and Teddy Ruxpin ever marry? ( Artemis : “No! Never! I’ll claw that plushie bear’s eyes out myself!” )
Will another of the Spores fall to the Sporehunters? ( Michiru : “I’m voting out Chibiusa. I hope her death is slow and painful.” )
Will Makoto’s cuisine reign supreme in Kitchen Stadium?
Find out in Episode Nine of Sporehunt!!